APRIL UPDATES –
If you want to know why and more detail scroll to the bottom of this post and read the details there but I have 14 targets that I now want to focus on. I thought it apt to put those 14 at the top of this post as a reminder whilst I go back to the usual updates for all. I want to keep this funny but I also won’t pull any punches when it comes to how I feel. You’ve been warned.
Targets -
Challenge 33 (and then beyond).
Find a new job (made redundant on 31st March).
New car & start driving again (legally must recover before I can drive).
Get through the Chemotherapy (6 months’ worth)
Get to see a game at Plough Lane (waited nearly 20 years)
Get back to leading the Walking Group.
Get the garden sorted.
Tourette's Action Walk (Training not started).
Take my family back on holiday to Scotland.
Take Mim on a tour of Scotland (hire car and schedule required).
Raise a pint in Bristol again (even if it’s just one)
Major walk to be completed, in aid of MacMillan (this maybe much further down the road)
Get the house repaired and tidied up and redecorated.
Enjoy life (it’s the only one I got!)
>>May 2021- Part IV goes live today so new updates will appear over there<<
Friday 30th April
I will start with an apology as I had aimed to do an update yesterday and was contacted by people asking and I think people were worried. Honestly compared to what I felt would happen prior to the start I think I had the feeling that I would try not to worry and deal with things as they arise. I think that was a great idea, as it appears things are happening, but I must be realistic and say this could have been so much worse. I will also share some more details above here so you can understand the cycle of how my chemotherapy is planned to work. I say mine as I understand that each person’s treatment is designed around their own. Many will be similar but there are so many different types and ways to take it, that there is a mix bag of what you could be doing and for how long. If feels like I am at the nicer end of the stick, so I am not complaining but just getting on with it.
Yesterday was fine. My arm was hurting where the infusion went in via a canular and I think there is some post vaccine combinations going on there as the muscle at the top of the arm wasn’t very happy either. The nurse called me early afternoon and suggested a heat pack which we have a bean bag thing and like a miracle it was fine. (Well for a few hours at least). The feeling sick business simply hadn’t happened. As soon as you think things are going well something will happen which was a slight thing really, but I started to feel sick around 3pm. I had skipped lunch and then had to eat something quickly to be able to take the steroid/anti-nausea tablet, which I was advised not to worry about if it was ok. I took one rather than both. Chemo meds go in ok so far, but I am also aware that they give you steroids with the infusion and they may take a few days to ware off and then I am going to feel it. Yesterday was fine today I am starting to feel it. To complete yesterday’s brief I did not join the walking group, but I believe that was more over the social distancing restriction and didn’t want to risk too much in that department I knew I had to pop to a shop, so it worked out a good time to go when the shop was not terribly busy and hoped that everyone followed the rules correctly. Most did. There are still some that think that wearing a mask is just that – well its there to cover your mouth AND your nose, not one or the other or just hang under your chin!! They were the minority. There are still those that aren’t going to wait for you to move before they get the food THEY WANT!! As they must get it now because the parking is free, and we must move the car as soon as possible. With my rant over with it was nowhere as bad as it has been or could have been. 90% were perfectly respectful and we aim to do the same. So, the evening was back online with our weekly group which went off ok and finished off earlier than usual. Which leads me to overnight.
I have had hiccups since Wednesday night which may have been the curry, I made myself but the acid reflex which has continued since the same time came to ahead overnight as it woke me up and was feeling uncomfortable to the point where without checking if it was allowed, I took some Gaviscon and to be honest this morning both hiccups and to a certain extent the acid has reduced to bearable levels. I have had all meds this morning (not my daily – non chemo related meds) yet but I can take them at any point, and I have them in a pot on my desk so I must move them out of my way otherwise they will just sit there reminding me. I am desperate to go for a walk and get out of the house (I also have a dog that would appreciate that as well). Social distances will be taken carefully when in the big outside world. I will also be very self-conscious as I go walking out with clear blue skies and brilliant sunlight with a woolly hat on and maybe gloves. Honestly, I say I don’t mine but every so often I get a little, are people thinking – nutter! They’d be right but I wouldn’t want people to know.
Today started behind schedule as I was up late for my meds due to the acid and the dog wanting the back garden loo at 4am. Teeth brushed, and mouthwash used. Got the actual medication down before breakfast which wasn’t the healthiest but I personal admission here, but cereal can only be eaten with properly cold milk. The colder the better!! Well, I cannot take anything cold as it feels ruddy horrible and painful! I will try and paint a picture and if you are of a certain age, I will try and cover the bases here. Do you remember as a kid getting given a packet of Nik-Naks or maybe some sherbet lemon or some sweet like that might be sharp or a bit of a surprise. When you put that first part in your mouth and get a tingly sharp pain in the upper part of your jaw and the shock as you have no idea where the hell that has come from. Well, I am getting that with absolutely every bit of food that goes in the gob. Second bite of something is slightly easier but give it ten minutes and the shock are back again. Drinking something cold is a real bad thing (I am listening to a song at this second that the chorus goes Yeah – Pain (So appropriate)). Acid is also returning at this second as well and the water is still a bit too cold, so I may go back for some more Gaviscon soon. Maybe I should check out the given meds out as well.
People keep asking me how I am and honestly, I am OK. I think how I thought I was going to be and how I am actually feeling *right at this second* I am doing fantastic. How I would like to feel on a day away from work with lots of games on a computer that I am sat at well that is somewhat different. Trying to sort things out like blood test and appointments whilst trying to remember to sort out council tax and credits and the kids are going through it now with options and exams and I am not doing what I want to be to support them. I have friends going through stuff I want to help with, extended family going through shit as well and I feel like all the attention is on me and I am sitting here with a bit of acid indigestion and sensitive sensation to cold. Life can be crap sometimes but most importantly remember these times as when the roller coaster takes you back up may be a bit may be to the highest hight of the ride of life then please ensure you enjoy it. Try to at the time and not just once it’s gone and you are remembering back. Soak all the good stuff as you never know when it will be back, just remember that it will be back. I am sat at when I am typing this, and I am not thinking of me, but my thoughts are elsewhere, and I will be coming away from social media to join the boycott by the footballing world over this weekend. I might update here but won’t be on many other platforms, just to give you the heads up. OK enough waffle from me I have some water to drink and dog to walk or the other way around as I may need to walk. When I am down, I put a countdown on my phone to give me something to look forward to. It might be Christmas, or it might be something else. I have two things counting down on my phone one is the end of chemo, but I need something to really look forward to and now I have some things to look forward to and one is smack bang in the middle of the chemo. Can’t wait. Remember life is a roller coaster and it will always turn back skyward at some point hold tight and the remember to keep your arms inside the car. Enjoy I have some things to look forward to.
A little note whilst sat typing all these updates I have spread my musical taste and as a snippet this week. I have been listening to six different German bands and only two sing in English and I don’t speak German. I have also been listening to two Dutch bands, a Japanese and Brazilian metal band. I know and even struggle with English so I appreciate that more than half of those sing in English so at least I can join in (out of tune). I also rediscovered some of my older bands that have been sat at the back on my mind when writing up the reviews for the gig list. Its has been great reminiscing with my own mind and thinking back at some good times with some good friends. Those times will return I just don’t have a countdown on my phone for any just yet.
Enjoy.
Additional – The dogs just been sick, you just must laugh at yourself some days and now I am going to get a coffee and put some sugar in it as well *up yours world* in a friendly jokey way in an attempt to avoid retribution!!!
Today's song of the day (maybe not the first couple of lines but this track helped me walk the dog today. (3 miles by the way).
Wednesday 28th April
Here we are the update you have been waiting for and it’s a bit of an anti-climax and honestly, I am really pleased about it, well so far. This is day one of approximately 78 days-worth of treatment, so anything could happen in the meantime and if today is anything to go by then I must be vigilant from now on. There are so many things I need to be aware of and keep a track of things and then alert the hospital about any major changes or if things start to go badly. The first day is a proper drip (or infusion) to get things truly kicked off. From there on I will be on medication and I was expecting a single box of tablets. I got two bags worth some for preventative stuff others to react to potential changes and if I feel sick take that. Loose bowels take this. If this happens go straight to A&E if this happens call and ask us and we will send you to A&E or ask you to come in for a few checks. I must keep an eye on the diabetic type of things which I don’t normally have to do as levels were ok recently. To get the nasty business in me they hide it with glucose which when infused will have an automatic reaction on the blood sugars. I have had this checked and its high but that was to be expected. I will check again soon and see how we go from there.
For me, I don’t feel too bad! Honestly so far so good, my arm reacted pretty much straight away. The post vaccine heavy arm was back straight away, and it feels like I have been hit with the old dead arm punch in the school playground. Fingers are tingling like a hand that you slept on and cut off the circulation. I can move it and the feeling is fine but just a little weird. The hand where the infusion went in is not happy with me now but that aside and a slight feeling of tiredness all is well. Well, enough to type up this update. I feel ok, I am not going to lie and say I feel like a million dollars and want to run a marathon that is far from the case, but I don’t feel too bad. I may well be over thinking the ailments and any little thing maybe being overly thought and worried about. Trying to put a realistic tilt on things I feel ok and hope it stays this good for the next (close to) eighty days.
Sunday 25th April
Bonus update as I was not going to bother today as there isn’t much to add but I am sat here waiting for the boy to play 3 games on FIFA before he will leave the sofa and join me on a walk. By that stage, the shops will be shut before we get around to them. If you can’t beat them then… I am playing Football Manager on the laptop. I will have to turn my attention to this week later this afternoon as I am going out in public for the first time in an age. I am not sure I can remember how to act appropriately. I will just do my best to blend in and see how it goes, I am not convinced that post chemo I will be able to do the same job. I hope it just isn’t as bad as it’s been warned about. I guess it’s a case of try it and see, apparently your body adjusts to it and it gets better as it goes on. That was the case with the injection, so fingers crossed.
Saturday 24th April
I have already typed two or three paragraphs and now I have come back to the top of the update today as I feel a sandwich would be a better idea. With today sitting in between the week that was and the week that’s ahead. What with it being the weekend I should look back at the week that was and then move onto today and then look at the week ahead as that is probably a better presentation for today. I have spent this week mainly contemplating and processing things in my head. With the aim of getting things in motion and moving forward both ahead of the game for now as well as after the chemo and the life set up and the challenges above. I have got myself my first ‘power tool’ after avoiding it for years and some of the jobs that would have taken three weeks have been completed in literally minutes. I would say that I am learning and have a steep slope ahead, but it makes life easier so watch this space. The long walk this week had no ill effects on me and the following day the legs felt good as well. I had the second covid-19 vaccine injection and returned home to take two paracetamol which had been suggested and really compared to the first one it was all good and no major effects. Arm went tingly at the time and it felt like a dead arm for parts of the day and when waking up. I felt weird Friday morning when getting up which I have put down to being over tired, because of lack of sleep, rather than the injection. I got some sleep last night and not felt too bad today. The arm still feels heavy (is the best description) but not much pain so I can live with it.
Onto today, and a look ahead to the week before me and it appears like it is going to be one hell of a week. Today first as it began with an alarm (something new of late) followed by a drive to Reading to get a Covid-19 swab test in the car park of the Royal Berkshire Hospital. I will also have to do another test tomorrow for a different building I will be going to on Monday. With them being different organisations, I must prove I don’t have Covid-19 before I can go. I thought when today’s swab results come through, I will be fine just showing that. I get there have the fun of the throat and nose poke to be told if this is clear you will not hear from us. If it is positive, then we will be in touch. Ah man! I was told to isolate until my NHS appointment which I can’t as I am going to the school tomorrow. I will just have to isolate after that then. I will take another home test after that appointment on Monday before going into the clinic on Wednesday. When I mentioned it, they said just do all you can to stay safe. I will have some other questions when I go to my appointment Wednesday. Whoops got a bit side-tracked there back to today. After coming home it’s been a watching sport day and I would say it finished even although I could argue that I was slightly up. I returned home to watch the Cricket and watch my team make short work of a local rival. Which put me in good spirits, followed by rugby union, where my team lost to local rivals in the last minute!! Which was not so nice. It was finished by watching my football team away and although dominating the goal scoring chances including a penalty they failed to score or allow a goal. A draw and a point which was good considering the other results in the league. It was topped off by watching the highlights of the England Women Rugby Union team winning the six nations tournament, that must be a good thing. Well done ladies, congratulations.
This week is going to be strange as tomorrow is the anniversary for my dad and there are a few things I do when I cannot get to his grave and feel like I shouldn’t go tomorrow. The following day is my daughter’s birthday which will be a bit subdued this year as she is going through her exams that are not exams. She is revising like crazy rather than looking forward to partying. After that we have Chemotherapy appointment this week and I think over the weekend I have realised that this will have a serious impact on my life for the next few months at least. It has dawned on me that I will be having good days and bad days. It also sounds like I will be ok for a day or two after before the side effects will catch up with me. Then it will be a battle there-after. I think as its drawing near I am getting more worried about it and need to focus on other things as well. If I can after having my hair go, puking, crapping, cold sensitive with pain and the real risk which is being vulnerable to infection, so I need to be fully alert to the potential signs. I will get through this and then I can concentrate on the other stuff but until that point you cannot look too far into the future. I suspect there will be more updates from me after Wednesday.
Wednesday 21st April
Wow, its Wednesday already! This week is flying and there is so many things I want to do, and I feel like they are not getting done and all I am doing is farting about and not achieving them. I have done some things required and desired. Firstly, I have managed to finally check on the challenge 33 this morning and its 25 which even the most optimistic in me is disappointed with. This needs to be addressed! Added to that I have got my arse out of the door and walking again we (me and the boy!) managed a walk this week and clocked up a smidge under 10 miles which I was pleased with. Not because of the walk itself but the next day I felt fine, so things are starting to come together. I felt like I’d had enough by the end, but I got there and had a drink once home and then probably could have continued again.
More importantly I have had the second covid-19 vaccine injection which was very quick I know. The plan there was to squeeze it between the operation and the chemo. Chemo begins next week after my confusion over the appointment. I think I have got to the point where I have accepted it and I understand what will happen, but I have not appreciated exactly what that will mean. I feel like I will take it all in my stride but feel that may be a vastly different reality waiting just around the corner for me. It could be that there is so many other things to do first. I am thinking about the beard as I’ve let the hair and beard grow knowing that it may all disappear in a months’ time. There is also the subject of a football match that will have attendances allowed and I have a ticket do I go? I will seek medical advice before making the decision on ticking something off my list above or wait. It just feels a bit like a carrot on the end of stick as fast as I move the same distance remains.
Another subject closed to my heart is mental health and when someone is struggling remember to be there for them. Which is currently what I am trying to do. Someone who has helped me through all this business and so much more over the years is on my mind and I am worried which has my thoughts more than ever. I want to have a conversation and put somethings in place before I go to be made sick or worse.
Back to the chemo thing it sounds like the biggest risk is infection as the whole thing will trounce my own immune system. Meaning quickly after coming out of lock down I will be returning to my own personal lockdown whoops I’ve got too involved in this typing business and burnt me spring rolls! Yes, so my own personal lockdown will be happening it will be the required and I don’t really want to face up to that, I guess. That is going to be the struggle.
Sorry I forget to mention how I feel today. Less than 24 hours after the jab I’ve had little reaction so far. My arm went a bit funny soon after and I had some tingling in my fingers. The top of my arm feels a bit heavy and sluggish but all in all I feel surprisingly good. Compared to last time. Today I feel fine and able to type this and listen to Billy Connolly without any issues.
What else happened in the last week I have found some time to add a few more reviews on my gigs post, so you can go check that out.
Sunday 18th April
Well, that was the week that was. I am looking at the list above and little has happened towards getting anything achieved. I keep meaning to check up on the first one then keeps forgetting so I really need to concentrate on that one and just wave a finger in the air. I had what I thought was a chemotherapy appointment on Friday which turned out to be Chemo related. I have had my bloods taken again so I am convinced that the last bloods have gone and done nothing. Based on the dates and things I have a schedule that I have put together. Certain things have been progressing but without a yard stick to mark it by then its difficult to say anything on here as I don’t want to announce anything yet. I have worries away from this list, but things are progressing, and work is going on behind the scenes to make many aspects of the about to start to come together. I should add the word slowly to that sentence.
Onto the appointment on Friday where we discussed chemotherapy, to be fair I was confused as to what the appointment was for. The way the nurse had explained it to me I wasn’t sure what to expect I thought it was full steam ahead and Friday was the day to get things going. Well, that didn’t happen. Can of pop (thanks my American friends), book, phone, music on the phone all loaded into the rucksack and off I go. One of the first sentences was the chemo isn’t starting today. Oh! I was surprised! What followed was a detailed explanation of what to expect and more so what to do if there are any issues. I will be once again put into a particularly vulnerable position. Should I get an infection then I need to know the procedures. Sounds like the care is moving from Frimley to Royal Berks (or Frimley to Reading). If I must head to hospital, it sounds like it might well be Reading, I’ll be heading to, but we will have to wait and see. Ultimately, we wouldn’t want to need that requirement in the first place and a lot of the discussion was related to what could go wrong and what we need to do about it, should it happen. I have been warned about the probable side effects that will no doubt happen unless a miracle ensues in Brackers. I will be going through a three-week period of hell followed by a week off before we go through the cycle again.
I wanted to upload this hours ago but forgot that I had written it! Whoops Sorry. Other things to mention are the second vaccine is happening this week and I lots of other things to organise. A hair cut but I think the rest of the country would agree with that one. I need to get gloves, hats, and stuff like that. I’ve ordered new slippers and I’ve been told to wrap up warm with hats and gloves when going out. I was like – erm summer is coming. Yep, I know but wrap up warm. OK gloves will be the next thing to order then and much more time, I guess it will let me continue reviewing the gigs that I’ve attended whilst the memory is still working.
Friday 16th April
If you logged in earlier then ignore what I put on here as an update, as it wasn't the case. It was just an appointment where we run through all the details of what will happen and more so what I need to be aware of and what to do if something goes wrong. Which is quite possible as it will basically ruin my immune system. I have managed in between to add some more gig reviews onto the other post and I will add that if Neil is reading this then get in touch.
Wednesday 14th April
I have said that I will ease down on the updates and not much has happened, but I will share some updates. Firstly, and most importantly (based on the questions that I have been asked) the dog is doing much better thank you. She has completed the last of the antibiotics this morning but has some stomach tablets to finish off, but she is getting back to herself.
As for myself I have been allowed to drive around town and complete very short journeys, so the recovery is happening slowly. Walking is improving as I did 10km the other day, but boy did I feel it the next day. It is weird to explain but there is a 2-inch square on the beast (belly) that hurts and this could be how I am sitting but every so often it gives me a reminder that it's there. It’s not red in the area so there isn’t sign of infection but I have to temper my activity accordingly. I have just organised the second vaccine injection, which will be happening next week. I have had next to no time between the two (I know) sorry if you are waiting but I do have a special set of circumstances which means I have to wait the minimum amount of time between the first and second injection. I could add that I had to delay the initial injection because of everything else going on which means the first one was much later than it should have been.
Number 3 has been half completed with the driving beginning again. Second and more difficult bit to work on as for number 2 I have made an application but with Chemo looming on the horizon this may need to take a rain check but we will take it from there. As for the others well I will leave that for another day. I sit here playing yet more games on the computer and listening to 'Feuerschwanz' who I discovered in lockdown and I my affection for them has grown and grown. I will get back to that and let you get back to what you are doing. Good day to you!
Additional
I have just had a phone call and we have set the first chemo date. Which I was a little confused about as I am not sure its another consultation or we are going for it! The date is set and its actually before the vaccine date, so it is all happening at once which is what I was worried about, but it is what it is! Lets do this and hopefully see light at the end of it all.
Sunday 11th April
I have noticed that there are not many updates happening which is more due to a lack of activity at this end. Things are improving and I am getting stronger. The antibiotics are done and so far, no sign of infection returning, but I am not out of the woods yet. I have been out twice walking today with a combined distance of four and a half miles. Things are stepping up in all regards to returning to health ahead of being knocked for six again with the chemo. I believe that from tomorrow I can start to ask about driving again which, if possible will be a huge thing that could get things sorted as I would be free and not the burden that I have been (yes I know I am!). It just means a pop to the shop can be exactly that and the dog walk is a dog walk and not a combination of both. I will ask the question and see how we go from there.
Mentioning the dog, she seems to be on the mend as well and I didn’t realise how much I was worried about her and how much I missed her when she wasn’t around annoying me by barking in my ear. She was also my chair companion when watching the horror channel back catalogue of movies whilst unable to do much else. We had a little walk today and she was like a different animal compared to last week. As for me I might be able to drive her to the vets in future as well.
With all the good news and the team won on Saturday as well, it must be said it was a good weekend. The only other thing I’ve noticed is that I think my hair is thinning which is a worry as I haven’t started the chemo yet. The next two weeks will be an interesting one for me as firstly I didn’t realise, I could ask about the car driving thing yet. I have some appointments coming up I think I need to organise the second vaccine next week. I have a support group meeting and a walking group meeting. I will also start looking at certain other activities that are on my target list so I can start to pull these things together. The lack of heavy lifting and having some days where I get completely knackered just walking around a shop is still frustrating, but things are coming together, and I have to now start to plan for the future. Chances are it will be like a big bolder that will start to move very slowly but hopefully this will gather speed as it goes. There are somethings that need to be in place first. Positivity starts here.
Friday 9th April
Well, that was the week that was. Sorry for the lack of updates on here but things have been happening here. Some good some not good but I will try and remember them all for you, to give you an update as I have been absent for a little while. Where should I start, I guess with me and I have been out and about this week much more than usual. A good 4 miles wandered on Wednesday followed by joining the walking group on Thursday although I could not complete the usual distance. For those that know the route I got to the bridge and checked out. I stupidly popped to the shops at that point as I needed to pick up my prescription and then got a bag load of stuff to carry home. I regretted that for most of the early evening as the pain kicked in, I was back on the morphine for the evening which got more through and today has been fine which was a nice surprise. Today also sees the first day after the end of the antibiotics which last time lasted less than four days before it was back again. This time everything seems good and its sealed now so I am hopeful, but I will keep you posted on here.
I mentioned on Monday that the world had continued to turn and that has been the case in this house as well. As we have had a very poorly dog who was leaking blood from everywhere. She was rushed to the vet who kept her there and there she remained for two nights. Today we got to collect her from the doggy hospital, and she is home and very lethargic which I can relate to but it is really sad when you hand over a family member to someone you have to trust. Then they say we will keep hold of her until she is well enough to come home. Well, that happened this afternoon and I am relieved to see her home, but worried that she is ok. Which means I know how you lot all felt when I was in hospital. If you think about it in terms of days and nights I was in hospital for the same number, she must be wondering what the hell is going on. I think that it is only fair that jump on her belly now, every time she gets comfortable. You know, just to even things up. Revenge you might say and no I would never do this.
In the wider world it was announced this week that the lockdown restrictions will be eased further next week with shops and pubs being opened and allowed some way of actually doing business again. It must be good for them to finally welcome people (well customers) back, the important thing which appears to be completely forgotten by so many people I see is that this is not over. We still need to be careful and I for one will have to remain careful. Please if you are reading this try and remember when pushing someone out the way to get a discounted pork pie that the person your elbow just nudged may be in all sorts of trouble because you have a mask under your nose is doing nothing and if you are a carrier without realising it then you could be causing all sorts of issues with your ignorance. I won’t go on too much more now but because I am a big lad it doesn’t mean I can deal with something better than the next person.
I feel I must mention that today it was also announced the death of Prince Philip and my thoughts go out to the family. He seemed to have an ability to put his foot in it, but I believe it was always coming from the right place, even if its comes through completely the wrong way. He was closed to receiving a telegram from his wife for his next birthday. I am not going to claim to be any sort of Royalist, but it is still a sad day for this country.
Monday 5th April
I think I had a reality check yesterday when I realised that whilst I was going through all this business and I still have quite a bit more still to go and finding out that chemo may have some unbelievably bad side effects is another matter. But chatting last night I realised that whilst my life has been on hold the rest of the world has continued to turn and as a result others are going through some sh… poop as well. Which means that today I am reflecting a bit and wishing everyone well and a nice Easter but more importantly beyond that. I have my fourteen tasks to make life better and I have a major secret one which is number 15 but I’ll be keeping that one under my hat for the time being. As this is quite a philosophical update today, I want to be positive and at this time its about family and I mean those close enough to me to call them family and that doesn’t matter if they are down the street or 2000 miles away. I am thinking of you today. Well up until 3pm because that is when kick off, but they will return after the match and I’ve had time to reflect on what might have been. I will then focus on what will be. I think I must prioritise getting better then look at all those above. Today, as I am sure you want to know there was a slight pain around the area of the wound, but this could be the amount of chocolate eaten expanding the belly and stretching everything. I will work on this but would really want to be able to walk. I mean two miles yesterday took it out of me, but I really felt like going back out again by the time the evening came around again. I have not had pain killer meds in at least two days and there isn’t much pain. The antibiotics seem to be doing a job but there is only four days left for that. My worry is if it comes back after then. I guess I shouldn’t worry about something that may or may not happen, but you get into that mindset its hard to get out of it. Anyway, enough of that negative business. The update today is done and lots of phone calls need to start tomorrow. Decision’s decisions!!
Sunday 4th April
Its Easter everybody!! I hope you are enjoying it whichever way you do. Attending church, scoffing eggs, eating chocolate, watching the Sound of Music or Jesus of Nazareth, walking, talking or just good old having fun. For me at this second I am planning a walk. Which in recent days has been a really tough challenge. It was getting easy with a walk to the store followed by a wander around the store finished with a poorly planned walk home from the store with bags full of shopping which makes me even more tired. Today I have a new plan. I am going to take the dog with me which in turn prevents me from entering any shops and ergo not spending lots of money on nothing important to lug home again. Today I plan on just lugging myself home. I also have the option of sitting as many times as needed to a) get out and b) get back again. I will have a four legged friend with me and may be a family member but I will have to see on that one.
I have to mention what a lovely hour or so we had when I finally got to see my mum and sister and go for a socially distanced walk around South Hill Park the other day. The sun was shining and the park looked beautiful, even the turtle put in an appearance as well. I was knackered by the end but it was still a great day. Thanks Sis for doing all the leg work to get that organised and pulling it all together much appreciated.
Boom!! 2 miles walked just finished and I am back eating revels which kind of ruined it a bit but two miles my friends. Two! Count them with me, one, two. Done and dusted the dog was so happy out today she was bouncing along like a puppy. All good so far and about to fire up some games on the laptop. Having revels for breakfast and then for dinner. I might have an Easter egg for the main evening meal. This healthy living lark is easy. Losing weight seems to be a problem though. I cannot figure that one out. Anyway I am doing well not feeling pain and not taking any pain killers at the moment so fingers crossed this is a good sign. I am still on antibiotics so will have to wait and see on that situation but for now all is going well.
NEW POST – APRIL BEGINS WITH A NEW ETHOS:
THE INTRODUCTION
Here we are one month from the operation that left me with lots of pain and a few infections already. I thought I should start a new post as the other was getting big and if I am honest things are moving on and my thoughts are turning towards logistical thoughts whilst still trying to focus on the health issue.
I remember speaking to someone, but I cannot remember the exact quote but if you look at life as juggling then you have all these balls in the air. Such as friends, family, health, work etc the balls that are flying around but nearly everyone seems to be made of different materials your job for example should be a rubber ball. If you drop it, it might bounce back to you or you can find another one just as round as it was before. The health one is made of glass. If you scratch it, it stays scratched. You crack it, it stays cracked you smash it and its good night Vienna. You can repair cracks and work on scratches etc, but you let that one go and you are in trouble. This new chapter begins with some changes. As of yesterday 31st March, I no longer have a job to go back to. I do now have an open book for work to look for. Added to that I have months of Chemotherapy ahead of me and that process all started today, with my first consultation.
The new post means that my life right now is full of hope and desperation in equal measures. March is completed and I think it started in such a way that I am probably glad to see the end of it. Ultimately if you asked me, in February, I was desperate for March to get going as it meant a chance for all this to be resolved positively, it could have also gone very wrong. The fact that April is here and so am I means a new slate a new start and hopefully I won’t screw it up like I nearly did before. What is weird is how now my attitude has changed a month in and I just want all the pain and infections over and done with. I think all of it has turned me into a worry wort. Which I am not used to. I am the laid back, let life take you along and see where you end up. Once you get there play the hand you were given on route and see what happens. This has probably been one of the toughest challenges I've faced, and I am desperate to pull everything back together and start to progress towards the rest of my life. Which I think this post should be what my targets should be and anyone reading that can support, help, and advise me on the following then do not keep it a secret and let me know.
Targets -
Challenge 33 (and then beyond) .
Find a new job (made redundant on 31st March).
New car & start driving again (legally have to recover before I can drive).
Get through the Chemotherapy (6 months’ worth)
Get to see a game at Plough Lane (waited nearly 20 years)
Get back to leading the Walking Group.
Get the garden sorted.
Tourette's Action Walk (Training not started).
Take my family back on holiday to Scotland.
Take Mim on a tour of Scotland (hire car and schedule required).
Raise a pint in Bristol again (even if it’s just one)
Major walk to be completed, in aid of MacMillan (this maybe much further down the road)
Get the house repaired and tidied up and redecorated.
Enjoy life (it’s the only one I got!)
Thursday 1st April
Today I will reflect on the above targets and maybe write a sentence or paragraph on each one. As they may need more details to update.
This currently sits at 22, which is disappointing to say the least, but I am hoping that points, 6, 8 and 12 will help with this one.
First application has gone in and now it’s the sit and wait place in time.
There is a new car lined up whether this happens or not is not down to me. Driving again will be down to my health so will need to ensure I am ok for that first.
I had my first consultation with an oncologist today, which means the plan is coming together and ultimately six months’ worth of treatment effectively begun today.
There is a test event that everyone will want to go along too at the end of May, but I should be ok by then, but I also need to be allowed to go before ensuring that I am healthy enough to go and not risk Covid-19 in any way, shape, or form.
The walking group returned today and would be led by the Sport in Mind team which is fantastic. It is a bit of a shame that I couldn’t go. The thing is that since I’ve seen them, I’ve been diagnosed with cancer, been operated on and should hopefully be back up and walking by the time I see them again. It will be great to be back there supporting them, but I must take small steps at this stage and just participating will be the first step.
Health will be the first step in getting this in order, but I have had big plans for this but never had the motivation to get things started. This may require more motivation than most to get this project off the ground.
This charity walk was planned about 3 years ago and never got going. The route is planned, start time and finishing when the meeting is on was the plan but ultimately training was limited, and this project never really got going. This would be a good challenge and a great step towards a much longer walk planned in the future.
We have had so many good holidays there that I would love to go back and if we can squeeze just one more great holiday out of such a beautiful country, before the kids get too old to appreciate it.
My best friend for *cough* years doesn’t get to visit the UK very often and in my darkest hour just when I was planning for the worst. Yes, my funeral is sorted and paid for I also wrote a list of things to tick off if the bell rings. This was one thing and the fact that the news is good shouldn’t mean that this ‘years in the planning’ should be removed from my list. So, it stays, and planning may begin (or not)
Another good friend who nearly wasn’t after a practical joke went awry has always left an open-door invitation to visit. I know in lockdown I could have rocked up at his door and said I have covid-19 and cannot go home. He would have thrown me a tent and pointed to the back garden. I have had many a great time when in his company and again in the darkest hours of post-Christmas and pre-operation this ‘to do’ was always high on my list whether a good or bad result. I assume it might be worth scheduling this more regularly (when I say that I mean like once a year at least).
Well after the major walk from years ago, and the desire to start to train again more seriously I believe it’s time to give some serious thoughts of doing another major challenge on the walking front and having looked at what MacMillan organised this year means I would like to redo the challenge of those years ago and truly build towards this epic challenge again!
Many cracks and holes and dents and making one thing nice means the rest of the room looks horrible means the whole entire house needs some TLC. I have never been able to and now I have the time but maybe not the strength, ability, skill, or knowledge to even start but I could potentially throw some cash at it. If anyone wants to suggest a decorator that could help let me know.
Enjoy life – so far, it’s been up and down and sometimes this has not been that easy to do. Things at home have got me down. The points of 7 and 13 have not helped with this but I do not want physical things to cloud the other things. There is one major thing that would change this, but I do not want to share that on here.
New updates will appear here and there will NOT be a 14 point update each day!!
Today I am officially out of work, I had my first chemo related appointment and the walking group returned today. Today was a busy day. I will cover those three topics today and then work the daily updates from there.
Work wise I will be getting a redundancy payment today (well I should be and will let you know if I don’t). Added to that I have an application out looking for another job. I will try and keep you updated for this but will ultimately be – I didn’t get it, or I did get it and then get really excited about it, but I don’t want to share too much detail on here. As the number of rejections could start to get me down with the health issues that are going to know about for at least six months.
Today I went to see the consultant for my Oncology referral. This is basically the first steps for the chemo appointments to come. This is the meeting that will formulate the plan for my chemo and how this will take shape as there are lots of different ways to do this. Lose my hair or not, tablet or drip, intense or lesser it all comes down to how I am and what I can cope with. As for today the organisation was poor (to be kind) arriving at 10.40am we started the appointment around 11.30am they explained about the chemo and it sounds like it will be better and quicker than hoped. Estimating 3-months’ worth of treatment with a process of 3 weeks. There are other side effects to be aware of and I won’t be listing them here. As suspected, I will need to organise the vaccine first then the chemo will start and then it’ll be three months and if the signs are right then all of this becomes a monitoring process going forward.
The walking group met for the first-time post lockdown today and I was not well enough to attend. This is the group that Sport in Mind put together and I took the very first walk and then I have taken pretty much nearly every other one since. Without checking my records, I think this may be the fifth session that I have missed in 3 years. Every Thursday you will find me at the park leading a group of people around. Not sure about sharing the beast (the belly) in public but I am sure many of the guys there will be asking about my health whether I am there or not. My target from about a month ago was to be able to attend the next walk which is just week away. Sitting here right now that maybe a bit ahead of my recovery to do so, but I need targets to keep things going.
I think this new post launch is plenty long enough already so I will stop now and add much shorter ones from tomorrow onwards.
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