A new Blog Page for a New Beginning...
After the positive news of being cancer free but not out of the woods yet. I have decided to change the format of the updates and the blog page. I hope this is a little more organised and the posting date means it should be in order so you can follow from the bottom rising to the latest info at the top. I will be promoting this site going forward as all the posts are 0 views now as this new.
TARGETS
January 2022
Hello and welcome to 2022. We are already a month into the year, and I have already forgotten to keep up to speed on this. I must now remember everything that has happened this month. There is a lot that has been going on that I now need to remember and tell you about.
I will start with Football (sorry) but due to big teams with big expensive squads who were unable to field a team due to covid-19 cancelling games. We now have one of the smallest squads in the league and the youngest and have to face the prospect of playing games Saturday - Tuesday - Saturday - Tuesday which means a lot of my spare time has been spent driving backward and forwards to South-West London to watch them fail to win. They are yet to win this year and now it is becoming a thing. That aside there is a new team that will be using our ground and I will be saving this soon so I can go and get myself ready to go and watch them. Which means going to our ground twice in two days then again on Tuesday as well. That team being the London Broncos the Rugby League team which has looked for another new home and hopefully for them they have found a permanent one with us. I guess what this all means is that I have been having fun and spending time with my family as I drag them along to watch us draw every week.
In between all that time having fun I have a new job which started just before Christmas which stepped up in the second week of the year when the main reception lady got covid-19 and was off for a week. This kind of left me in the deep end when I was trying to learn everything on the job, which was not as bad as it could have been. I did learn a lot that week and now desperate to get up to speed on the main reason I was hired. This side of things are not where I would want them to be. In that I am not organised yet and need to get things the way I prefer them to then be able to get things working correctly. Things are coming together, and I am looking forward to it but what I can say is so far so good. I haven’t got a full months pay yet but working part-time may make me think again without any money. I will find that out later, I guess.
Before I get to the whole reason for this blog, I will also discuss the walking group as I am back leading the walk. It has been a great start to the year, and we had 20 walkers last week which is fantastic for the middle of winter with the threat of Snow, Rain and Wind. They were still there, and it was great to see. Added to that I was secretly nominated for an award for my voluntary work and getting people in Berkshire active, which I won and knew nothing about it. I have no idea what this means exactly but officially I am a “Get Berkshire Active Physical Activity Award” Winner. Which is also fantastic and amazing for the group it isn’t me but a testament to the group for coming along each week and joining me. It is great and really should be a reward for them, but I will get the focus for the time being.
As for the health side of thing there is little to report back on currently. I will cover the three key issues in the following three paragraphs. Firstly, the worst one from the NHS point of view is the Diabetes as I have still not had my annual check-up that was due in June. That is June 2021! I have had two or three appointments that simply haven’t happened. I will put my hands up and admit that I missed one of those by error. The latest one was cancelled by the surgery with the message that they will reschedule this appointment, so I contacted them saying great let me know when. That was over a month ago, they do not seem that bothered about it.
The slightly concerning thing is the cancer check is due any time soon which will be involving a simple blood test and, on this occasion, will include another CT scan. I cannot remember the dates yet, but I will have to get my admin life back up to speed and then I can ensure I don’t miss any important dates in the next couple of months. I will add that in the last couple of weeks I have had some pain in the ole tummy region of late now that could be nothing or it could be something the results pick up on. If there is something weird in the belly area, then the CT will find it also.
Finally, and this will tie up with the paragraph above is that the heart issues need me to control the diet which had happened prior to Christmas has fallen off the wagon this month with all the football and illnesses I have taken into living on take-aways. This may be more of the reason for the pain mentioned above. I am guessing this is bloating and gas more than anything lurking in the darkness. What I do need to do is to get on with it, this I must rather than just talking about it. That all said and done will bring the month to a conclusion with the football transfer window closing tomorrow and if we sign a striker, it will be amazing and if we get one that scores the goals that kick us onto mid-table that would be a miracle. I will conclude this section now and look to add the new month’s information in twenty-eight or so days.
February 2022
Here we are deep into the 'Valentine' month and what can I tell you? I have plenty of appointments coming up. It all kicks off this week with the blood tests both being taken on the same day. One going off for tests about the heart with an appointment in March and the other the cancer check which will be followed but a CT scan at Frimley Hospital before the appointment where I get all the results and see how things are going. The gap seems much longer this time around from the last appointment. I have to say due to more to mental health than anything else I have not started the year wonderful well and the health side of things have taken a knock in terms of health walks and healthy eating. With that in mind I am not that confident of the reason for the recent pains I've had in the belly. I have put on weight and the belt is tighter so that could be a reason. I am working so wearing trousers with belts much more often. I apologies as you might find this rude or crude but farting and releasing wind has had a dramatic instant change many times. Which when a work I won't be doing that type of business so holding that in probably isn't helping. Added to that poop (which I regularly keep an eye on) has been extremely loose which again could be down to the poor diet or it could be something else. It could be something or most likely it is nothing to worry about and I will just need to remember to get back to the health walks and better eating will see everything go back on track. If I am completely honest with you here and now, I am genuinely worried that all the hard work has taken just a year to be undone. Obviously I will have to wait and see but that doesn't help the mood very much.
My football team has not won a game yet this year which may add to the negative feelings. I could be just feeling down and sorry for myself. I can take some heart in that I won an award this month as a Berkshire Physical Activity Hero from the Get Berkshire Active charity for all the work I have done with Sport in Mind throughout the Covid-19 effected years. Keeping the walks going throughout the period and obviously not being able to with the Cancer treatment has meant that I needed some additional help from the guys at Sport in Mind which was fantastic to keep the group going when I couldn't.
For the rest of this week (its half-term and I work in a school!) I have my appointments and I was hoping to paint the shed but the rain may well put pay to that plan. I will be taking my mum to hospital as she has some appointments in London which I want to help out with. I have the usual walk (as mentioned above) and we are planning on having the weekly board game get together as well. I will try and keep this a bit more updated than I have been what with the concerns I have for myself.
Its Friday and I have the day off work which is night. The pain in the tummy has persisted this week and I can't say it is all encompassing but its a constant. Like an ache not as painful as pre-op and diagnosis but I can just feel it all the time which is a bit frustrating. Today wasn't too bad for most of it but it was still there to remind me all day long. Anyway I'll move on to more important things.
As an additional little extra note, it was storm Eunice today which really hit Bracknell and I had make my way across the borough and out to Frimley Hospital to get myself tested. To be honest it was really quick today. I lost track of time and got there 15 minutes before my time and had to hang back for five minutes before I was allowed in the door. I sat for a few minutes and then I was in stabbed and drained before I knew it. I hope it wasn't too early for the heart issue, the cancer test side of thing timing should be fine. The issue currently is that I do not have a date for the CT scan, which should be happening next month. I am not sure if I am supposed to be organising something or if a letter is winging its way to me in the near future. I will give it a week or so and then chase myself. More in the next update I'd assume.
OK the majority of the next section won't be about me but there is a little punchline coming for you although painful for me. Today was operation day and not for me but both my mum and my daughter were having operations today. In no particular order my daughter was going into hospital for a day operation today and as I type she has not returned home yet. It was in her mouth and was tooth related but it was a proper operation in hospital and not in dentist. I have heard she is post op and on the ward preparing to come home. This should mean that they were heading home to be here about 40 minutes ago but they are not back yet. I am not in panic mode yet but will get there in an hour or two. [They have arrived home and Lauren is feeling sorry for herself but is looking well so will hopefully sleep it off and be fine on the morning]
More of a serious procedure was happening to my mum who was having a procedure on her heart. Having a stent placed in her heart and hopefully helping with her breathing. She was on the road by 6am this morning only to arrive at the hospital to be told she was third on the list which meant having to wait until the afternoon which could not of been easy. It all started around 2pm and she is now back on the ward and recovering. I have had a brief conversation and apart from some very strange pains in her ankle which I have no idea where that would come from she is already on the road to recovery. The medical team are very pleased with the process and are already talking of sending her home tomorrow. Which will lead to my sister becoming the new nurse whilst the recovery goes on. She sounded very well (considering) when we spoke on the phone so that was nice and put a cherry on top of a quite day.
I was glad of the quiet day as I fell out of the pub last night. I say that literally and it was the very first time I have ever fallen out of pub. Now the important note here is that I was completely sober. I mean completely, no alcohol passed my lips! Honest guv! As I was leaving the door always sticks but I managed to wrap my trainers lace around the door to not only take my legs from under me but also rip the loop on the trainers as well. I hit my knees and didn't throw everything everywhere which was a bonus. Didn't even feel that embarrassed at the time either. I was a little soar in the whole knee area driving home and again this morning but not too bad. Sitting all day has helped and hindered as they were eased but then stiffened up as well. There you go you can all have a laugh now.
Well, here we are into the final third of Quarter one of 2022 and right now if I am brutally honest I am down at the moment. It could be a few reason but I think it may well be due to combination of things at the moment. Both my daughter and mother have been in hospital for operations and both have had to go back for further procedures. Mum is still in hospital with swollen legs and an extremely bruised arm but that is not the issue. Facebook is the place for updates on that as I do not think my blog is the right place for other peoples details. My daughter is feeling a bit under the weather and not happy at the moment but that seems to be the case anyway. I have tried to cheer her up but nothing works from me which may also be a contributing factor for me. Added to that supporting a football team that hasn't won a game this year doesn't improve things. The rest seems to be the biggest thing on my mind tonight I am I am just feeling it tonight. I could easily just jump in my car and drive. Not knowing or caring which direction but it would be a long one and in the same direction for a long, long time. Whether I would turn around again at the end is another subject. Simply not feeling it and knowing that I was ready for the end when sat on the operating theatre means this is something that I am not concerned about. I said when I planned for the wish list above the last thing was to be happy and right now that is not the case and I can't see how to change that. I guess I am just venting and tomorrow will be different but I have thought that for about a week or two now and something needs to change. I can see a few options for me and those are narrowing as each day passes.
I have got my hands on some pretty weird movies again so at least I will be able to right some more reviews soon. I have also see the classic Cruel Jaws which is a rip off of the original movie and has clearly used film of the first two movies in their own and not credited it. Which being a massive Jaws fan will automatically mean I will hate it. I also have gone international with the extreme movies again. When I say that I am talking away from France and more southern European movies which are both post war movies about the second world war and what the Nazi's got up to. Then the Americans are back trying to be super extreme again with a movie that has got noticed due to its behaviour more than its story. I will get around to them I guess, if I can be bothered to review them. You see typing all this and updating the site which resets everything highlights that no one is reading it anyway. I know I haven't done the big sell of pushing it everywhere but it ain't being read so why bother. Or maybe I should write less and push it more. Who know lets just wait and see I guess.
The stomach still hurts which is probably not helping anything at the moment... Its not really painful it is just a distraction more than anything and just a constant. Nothing seems to work to release it.
March 2022
This year is flying I cannot believe that not only are we already into March but as I type we are already halfway through it! Ok there is a bit to tell you about already this month. So I will just dive straight in shall I? The worrying bit and I will share a bit more with you here than I have with people in general. The other morning I was in the shower and as I was washing I had some pain under my arm (armpit) then I noticed a lump under the skin. The other arm was the same but to a lesser extent on the pain but there was a lump there as well. Me being me goes to Doctor Google and it says it could well be Lymph Nodes. Oh OH that is the thing that they were testing at the end of the tests post op. With my intelligence I added two with two and came up with a ninety-seven. I decide to contact my GP and realise that my doctors have changed how they organise their booking system. They had an app before when you sent a message in and they replied with a message normally saying they will call with an appointment. I go online and the new system they are using is a bit futuristic. I wasn't sure I could cope with the new system as my dinosaur brain will cope with. The new system was picking up the phone and call into the surgery. Its quite new and futuristic, after you dial there is an electronic voice that tells me I was 13th in the queue. I hoped that wasn't a bad omen! I jumped a few places as it went 12..11...8...6...3 and 18 minutes later I was number one is the call queue. I got through to a triage type receptionist. Who explained that they will organise a telephone appointment. She asked about any changes recently and suddenly it clicked I had the vaccine the other day (YES ANOTHER ONE!!) and she says "I am not medically trained but a colleague had the vaccine and she came up in lumps all over!". It all started to fall into place at that stage, later in the afternoon a paramedic called me and said it did sound like a reaction to the Covid-19. Now for me to explain is to go into baby talk so apologies if the next paragraph sounds a bit patronising but this is how I understand it.
I am going to use my words but your body has nanobots that battle nasty things that enter your body. This soldiers are kept in forts that control them and get them ready for battle when required. These forts are called lymph nodes they hold your antibodies and release them when your body is under attack. That is why when cancer gets into this places they have a reaction when you are unwell they release them the cancer can attach and then spread it across the body hence when post op they took them and tested them. What also happens then is that when you get given a vaccine it triggers a response from your bodies defence system. Which is where the lymph nodes get involved. Three or four days after the jab the nodes had decided to react by growing big and painful. Also worth noting is that when its cancerous the lumps are rarely painful as it doesn't want to alert the host to the problems. With my lumps being painful was in fact a positive rather than a concern.
The following day I went in and met the paramedic who completed an examination and then explained that they could take bloods but you would be better off just keeping an eye on it and if it goes down then don't worry or if it continues then get another appointment and get back to see him. It has gone down since and I won't be needing to go back which is good news.
Today I had a chat with the specialist for my heart problems and things have got worse, which is probably down to my poor diet this year. I have fallen from that wagon and the index that needs to be below 1.7 and was up at over 22 at one stage that returned back down to under 3. It has doubled again to 6.7 so I need to get this under control or I won't be updating anything on here anymore. That said things can help this with which means going onto yet another medication, which will be helped with a better diet and losing weight. The issue there is I need a reason for this as I am struggling with my mentality at the moment which I mentioned before. I am really struggling on this and why bother is something that I haven't got my head around. I don't want to go into this much more than this but it is something I need to work through I guess. That is about all I can tell you about today really I think we are coming to a head on this and I am running out of chances to sort this out. I know the clock is ticking and what I am doing is making it tick quicker, does that scare me into doing anything. Sadly not yet.
So today I had my CT Scan, it was booked for 11:30am and I was up and showered before 10am and was ready to leave by 10:30am. I checked and was advised that it should take about 20 minutes to get to the hospital. I left just before 11am. I then discovered that the main road to the hospital was closed. Having to turn back I knew a dual carriageway out of Bracknell to the M3 which I could use to reach the hospital. I reached the junction to join the dual carriageway and it was busy so I crossed it to take a backroad to join it further down and closer to the M3. This was also blocked and realising this was the problem I turned around and went back to the dual carriageway knowing I would have to just sit in it. Using the hands free I call the hospital to warn them and see if I should turn around and re-book. The phone rang for 30 minutes, that is ringing not on hold but ringing. I gave up tried again. It rang and rang. Cut off and tried again. I got the operator and I explained the situation and she said I will call the CT Scan mobile and tell them everything on my behalf. I then explain that the sat nav is telling me I will not be there until 1pm. She says its fine they are there all day just turn up and they will see you. I get to the hospital at 12:50pm which is earlier than I thought and arrive at the unit. If you are keeping track that is a two hour 14 mile journey. I have been told not to eat or drink or take my meds and then sit in traffic for 2 hours but finally I was there. I park where I was instructed and head to the other end of the car park where I see a guy walking away from the mobile clinic unit, I stop him and ask if I should check in here or somewhere else. They ask who am I - I explained and the guy says I think you are too late he goes into the unit and then another guy pokes his head and sorry you are too late we were told you were around 10 minutes away about an hour ago. If you were sat quietly you could hear my head explode back in Bracknell 14 miles behind me. It is a very rare thing with this type of thing but I threw my toys out of the pram! I pointed out that I sat on the phone for over half an hour, I also told them that I was told to continue my journey, I also reminded them that I had not eaten or had medications today and then I pointed out that I had literally just arrived. We were told you were at reception an hour ago and that is a 10 minute walk. No I phoned an hour ago and told them I would be here at 1pm and was told to just turn up. He said sorry and then said come in lets get this done. I thanked him and he went through the quickest prep ever. No metal? Nope you have this yes that no, ok lets do this. I was laid on the contraption and he was walking towards me and I said can I just take a moment to say thank you and how much I appreciate you seeing me. He did have a needle in his hand that was just about to go into my arm. It wasn't too bad and the procedure was done. With all the feelings off wetting yourself and hot lips as well. It was all done and the road was still closed on the way home but it was a much easier trek this time as I could go through Crowthorne and circle around better. All done and I am still cataclysmic angry right now but that is slowly subsiding but not helped by the football team I follow.
April 2022
Here we are with another update on the blog which started the whole thing off. Now I am reviewing football matches, movies (well bad ones!), concerts, and shows check out the links on the other pages if you want to see my rants and other stuff. I have four sites, this one, a football one, a DVD review, and then general one which has a bit of everything.
That the sales pitch over and done with here is why there is an update. I have had my chat with the heart doctor well the pathology department doctor as well as the cancer nurse. Where do I start? I am going to go with the whole cancer business. After the episode of getting to the CT scan the news there is that it was all good news and pretty positive. Everything had remained the same which seeing as there was no signs before, so the base levels have stayed the same so all positive has to be said.
The heart issues have got worse with the reading which was over twenty-two and dropped back down to three last time after the new year I have fallen off the healthy wagon and hit every chocolate shop on the way down. This has seen a rise back up to seven which is three times what it should be which is very disappointing. I keep talking about it but I need to get off me arse and start working again. The walking group is a start but even the numbers there have been dropping of late and I think I need a whole new fresh start and focus on everything. This is the priority now and it will help so many other aspects and coming into the summer this is something we can at least work on. Lets get going… I am sure I have said that before but there we go.
May & June 2022
I have been called out for not posting any update on here for some time which positive spin means that at least someone is still looking at which is a wonderful thing. It also gives me the motivation to actually get back to it and ensure the updates keep going. I must admit that I am a little confused as to where things are, and I do need to spend some time going through the paperwork to ensure I am up to speed on everything.
There are so many things going on, but I will try and cover everything by going through my meds. Firstly, the diabetes is not great but increasing meds seems to be doing something. The weight isn’t helping, and I really should be addressing this which appears to be so difficult just to get that boulder moving on this one. Blood sugars should be between 4 and 7 but mine the other day was 21. I am on Metformin for this.
Added to that I am also under Chemical Pathology that are keeping a six-monthly check on me which I need to organise an appointment for a month ahead i.e., July/September. This improved a lot then went back the wrong way. Again, weight would be a big assistance with this. That said things feel ok on that side. I am taking statins for this which have just been doubled.
I have a urine infection (well we guess that is the case based on a conversation I had with the receptionist) No I haven’t seen a doctor or had any samples taken to support this I have just been told to take antibiotics and call back next week if there is still a problem. I feel assured that I will be calling back again next week.
Now the actual news that you are probably waiting for!! See I got there in the end! Which is the cancer update which I would split into two bits of news one I would class as positive and some other news that I would simply just class as news. I shall start with the positive, shall I? The cancer test or check was just bloods this time and not the CT scan which happened the time before and will happen again next time. Whoops I forgot to mentioned that I am still currently Cancer free as the bloods were looking very positive again. All the other test will continue for another four years so I guess I am getting used to them all now.
The other ‘new’ news is that I will be going for a colonoscopy in the next month or two. Which apparently, I was warned about – which I don’t remember but I guess it must of happened. She asked if I remember having one before which I did. Then about three quarters of the way through the conversation we realised that I had a virtual version last time and not a ‘proper’ colonoscopy so this time it’s going to be the full kit and caboodle. At least this will be at Frimley Green Hospital which is a bit closer than the last time. The 24 hours of hell beforehand will be the same again but maybe in a different location this time. It will be very different than last time in terms of how it will feel, I assume it will feel like the endoscopy with the coldness internally, that memory of that feeling was not good and to get that in a different area of the body could be really weird and potentially disturbing. That is all to come.
For those that read my other blog about bad movie reviews. Would maybe expect me to get hold of the DVD for the above procedure as that would be a genuine shit movie. One thing I haven’t lost is that warped sense of humour. It would be a bad though wouldn’t it, could you imagine me complaining about the director? And making no money at the box office.
Life is very different right now with part time hours working and struggling to get on and do what I used to do without any problems. What I honestly believe is that the Chemotherapy has triggered some underlying issues and now my attempt to chill after the op and returned to my bad ways has just exacerbated the whole situation and now, I have to really sort myself out and I am not convinced I have the inner strength to be able to do that. I keep talking about what I should be doing about the weight and then doing nothing about it. There are issues that I need to come to terms with which I am currently avoiding, and I am not sure I can face up to. It sounds easy but I am really struggling to face them demons and do something about it. I feel like waving a white flag and accepting the fate which I am fully expecting. That is a difficult thing to face. Anyway, I think I am typing whilst very tired and maybe I should get some sleep and then see how it all goes from tomorrow. What do you think? Ok I will do that and re-read everything, edit and then see what I include or remove. Not that you will see what was different.
July 2022
OK one of the reasons for the lack of update on here was that I was confused as to what the hell was going on. When I started this week for example, I was waiting on 7 different appointments which having actually had some of them they have spawned more appointments which is just confusing and if I am completely honest, I have lost track. In reverse order from last time, I will start with the Cancer side of things as it is probably the better news.
Oh, before I begin there is a new code that I will introduce today which if you contact me, I will decide on sharing the code with you. Which you can help decipher a hidden message in the words I write on just this area of the blog. It won’t work on any other pages of my blogs. I hope that makes sense just ask me if you want.
The latest on the cancer front is positive with another practically clear set of results. There is still trace elements but the actual signs in the blood are not showing at this stage. Which can only be positive. That said the next wave of checks will be the highest and most demanding. In that they usual bloods will be taken which is the same all through the year. Added to that the six-month check with a CT scan is also due, but now they are looking to organise another colonoscopy. Which will be a full one this time as apparently, I have a virtual one last time. I am currently waiting for the appointment date for these next three procedures. I will add at this stage I am not looking forward to any of these one’s the only one which is comfortable is actually as I think about it, they are all really not nice. From being stabbed by a needle, to being stabbed by a needle and then shoved in a tube where the massive loud machine squeezes you in like a toothpaste tube. The final one is summed up in a mere six words which if you think this sounds like fun, I think we need to have a serious conversation… oh the six words!! They are - shoving a camera up your arse.
OK next I will cover the painful side of things. I have some weird cuts on my hands, it clearly just isn’t right or normal as it’s not anything obvious like a paper cut. That said I have gone to the doctors who tried to sort it with a week’s worth of treatment. The best description is like when you have chapped lips, and everything is overly dry. When you stretch you hand wide its simples slice the stretchy parts which are then left open and instantly leaves pain and you cannot avoid the constant pain through contact or just movement. I have got some cream which I need to apply for months ahead and if that doesn’t do the job it could be an operation to cut it off.
I have a potential urine infection which may well be down to diabetes business which is shown below. Again, this was under the doctor months ago but appears to have come back again. This time the antibiotics did not have much of a result which I am not sure this is the issue. I think it is masking something else. The doctor is taking it seriously mind you which he thinks might be related to the diabetes which has gone crazy (I will get to that). From there I have had antibiotics for a week followed by a powered version which you dissolve in water and must drink with a six-hour buffer. Meaning you cannot eat or drink for three hours before you drink it and then you must leave another three after before you can eat and drink again. It is advised to take it before bed. Which is a great plan but the side effect for me is it empties me of absolutely everything. It honestly felt like the stuff taken to empty myself before the colonoscopy. Well, the next morning did!! As I type the next ‘dose’ is merely hours away and I am not looking forward to the weekend. Once this is done the next thing on the list is an ultrasound to look at the bladder with the expanded and deflated version to see how much difference there is. As long as this happens in time there is another blood test which will happen no matter whether its in time or not. The test is already booked for the 21st and will happen if I remember to go. Then two weeks after the bloods are taken, I have yet another doctor’s appointment to discuss the results of the Ultrasound and the bloods. This should mean either the conclusion of the urine infection or a decision over what else could be going on.
Oh, whilst I was at the doc’s with regards to the urine and I mentioned the side-effects of the ‘new meds’ he thought it would be good time to check the prostate which believe it or not was apparently good. One in the OK column, that does feel like its in the minority for this assessment.
OK the diabetes check that has taken a month for the appointment to happen and a year of missed opportunities and messed up things on both sides. The end result was that blood sugars have gone nuts and doubled since the last time they checked it. No, I have no idea when that would be. That said I now have to take blood sugar readings as the new meds that I have been given could cause hypos. Which I have no idea what they are, but my best description is that the sugars that are in your blood (they should be there) drop below a safe limit which then means that I could pass out of have a major wobble. If driving, I have to do tests before going for a long journey and added to that I must keep stopping and checking the bloods before being able to continue on the journey. The new meds will help reduce the sugars in the blood, so this is a whole new thing to keep an eye on.
Chemical Pathology, the least adventurous at this time as I must call and organise an appointment and I haven’t had chance. Last time the situation had gotten worse, but they were just keeping an eye on the situation. They will do that again with the next appointment, I will try and report back on that one once it all happens.
I think that wraps everything up.
August 2022
We are here nearly at the end of August, and I feel and update in the offering as there have been something of developments but nothing major really. Where I am unsure where the best place to start is. I have been working on the shed and moving the screen I am writing on out there so there are lights and electric out there so hopefully this winter won’t be so bad, and I can stay out there lots for the coming months. This has taken up a lot of the summer holiday and the five weeks break has literally flown by, and it almost feels like I’ve missed it. That said many things that have been missed have started to return in the form of sports and being able to travel around the country to support my team. However, I do need to test my blood sugars before being able to drive for any length of time. Pottering around town will be fine but if I am driving farther afield then I must check which leads neatly into the fact that I currently have no idea where my device is to check my current levels. This is frustrating as I will no doubt be driving for some time tomorrow and I should really test before I start. Before getting to that side of things I guess I should start with the obvious beginning.
Currently the next set of tests for Cancer will be next month (September) which is only four or five days away, so it really is around the corner. That said I have no idea of the dates of any of the appointments so far. I need to have bloods taken and I do not have the form to bring in and I also need to have a CT Scan and a Colonoscopy as well. I have no dates for any of them. Should I chase? I have no idea of that either.
I do have a date for the Chemical Pathology appointment which was basically to check on the new medication and to see how I have reacted to it. Let’s hope it is ok as I had bloods taken in the first week of June and I have been taking them ever since. Finger crossed it hasn’t caused any issues, huh? We will wait and see on that.
The important thing currently is the diabetes and the blood pressure as we have tests done and then I get a phone call saying just double up on everything. I am now taking three times the original dose of the blood sugar meds, but I need to leave it a week before testing those daily. To be completed honest I really should be testing those daily anyway and keeping a regular record of them. I need to get back to doing that as originally I was doing that three times a day and now, I think I haven’t tested since the weekend and today is Friday. Along with that the blood pressure is still high and the medication isn’t working which is the biggest worry for me as this summer break I wanted to work on the weight, and I haven’t had chance to do any of what I had in mind and just sat on my arse working on other things. Just carrying things back and forth from the shed some days have completely done me in and I haven’t felt the strength to go off on a 10 mile walk or even a 3- or 5-mile version. I do have some scales so I guess I should bring them out to the shed and see if I can’t track it better from there hopefully this will inspire me to be more proactive about the whole thing. This is the real concern as I may not have said anything but I just believed that I could do it whenever I wanted to which part of me still thinks I can hit the switch concentrate and start losing weight. Meanwhile I continue to move in the wrong direction. I need to take a break here, so I hope I don’t lose my train of thought by the time I return.
Oh yes, I am completely distracted and watching a film that this is my fifth attempt to watch today. I keep putting it on and something happens, so I stop head off and then have to return later. Now that all the houses including mine are quiet you never know I might actually get to the end of the movie. It’s a Korean Vampire movie so I assume you haven’t heard of it.
As for me I think I had said most of what I wanted to, I am feeling a bit melancholy about the whole situation and generally feeling sorry for myself. Where I desperately need to pull my finger out and actually start to do something about everything. I just don’t think I am strong enough mentally to do it. Maybe a few years back I was a different person but right now I cannot see a good result from all this. It just feels like every test means the situation gets a little worse each and every time and that just takes me down just a little bit more each and every time. The spiral goes around and slowly and surely its twisting in towards the plug hole. Maybe it is not the best time to be typing my thoughts as I am a down tonight and it is clearly having a negative reaction in my thoughts. I will post this and then see how I feel i.e. – whether I want to delete and write something else instead.
December 2022
(Maybe you could say 'Christmas Update')
So here we are at Christmas 2022, and it is common for this time of the year to look back to what has been and reflect on what may or may not have been. Well, since I haven’t done and update on here since August so maybe the look back really shouldn’t be all the way back across the whole year but maybe just the last quarter instead. I have already decided what the last word of this update will be, but I will drag this out for as long as possible. Where do I start, what I really wanted to do is to go through chronologically but I'm now writing this four months after the fact so I can't actually remember. So, I will just do what I can remember and hopefully it will come out in the right order. I had an appointment with the Chemical Pathology team again who were basically looking at how my bloods had been affected and how I had been affected by the specific medication that they had put me on. The result was the bloods have improved, OK they were far from perfect, but they were much, much better than they were. They were also concerned about my bowels in that the medication can cause indigestion which if I'm honest probably has had an impact to a certain extent. However, things have improved well enough for me to be discharged from the chemical pathology team. they were concerned about the diabetic symptoms at this moment in time so have contacted my GP to get that under control.
Which neatly moves me on to the diabetic side of things as I had a call last week, from the nurse at the local surgery. This comes after me doing blood pressures an blood sugars and recording everything handy goal in and hearing nothing for about two months I then get a phone call literally just coming into the festive period from the nurse who said things have improved but not by very much so she has a new drug that she's suggesting but wants me to read up on it which I have done to a certain extent and I'm now of the opinion of **** it, let’s give it a go. I have not yet gone back to her, but I will be doing that soon. With that my weight has gone up I'm not looking after myself properly I am of the opinion of get Christmas done. Eat all I want drink nothing coz I'm not allowed to drink but enjoy Christmas as much as I want. Get through to new year and then strict diet or until next Christmas seems fair to me, if I can actually do that.
So next stop I'm assuming is the cancer side of things. I was sent for a blood test and a CT scan in the first week of June. The blood test happened as I booked it but the CT scan was postponed and pushed back to August. Sorry if I covered this in the last update, but I get there, get on the bench, get ready to go and then they say “oh, when was your last blood test?” and I say “June!” and they then say “oops, sorry but you can't have the CT scan!”. They say that they have to know the bloods situation before they can go through with the procedure. You see we need to know about your bloods within the last three months before we can go ahead. Hmm they have a little think then they go off and call a doctor I'm assuming consultant on the phone speak to them explain the situation explained that already got a tube in my vein and I'm lying on the bench waiting and they decide “Sod it!” and just go ahead do it. The blood test and the CT scan came back around the end of October that was when I was on holiday, so I never received the appointment letter or knew it was coming so I missed that one as well. I called back as soon as I saw the missed call and phone back to leave a voicemail and organise for a new date. I have some questions this time one related to medication and then another about a phone call I had about a possible colonoscopy which I didn’t hear anymore about. That will all have to wait for the phone call.
A-hah they call on the right day and I get informed that all the news is good. The bloods are clear beyond some trace elements, but these are all within normal levels. The CT scan was all good so no sign of anything nasty in there the medication question was answered by the GP in a phone call two weeks prior so no questions were needed to be asked the news was positive things were on the positive side and each appointment cemented that then let’s hope it all continues.
I know what you are thinking you didn’t ask about the colonoscopy did you? And you would be right I didn’t ask about that as just a few days prior to this call I had a phone call to say that the appointment is coming up on Saturday really soon. In fact it was F.A. Cup second round day and we were playing at home. The appointment was at 8:30am and I arrive and go through one thousand questions to get into the cubicle. I get given a lovely gown to wear and a lovely pair of pants with a massive flap at the back with a little sign above it that reads “entrance” was slightly distressing. I had a bit of me that was secretly hoping that I would be home in time to go to football, so I turned down the offer of sedation and went with gas and air instead. I was watching the whole thing on a screen, and it was amazing to thing that this thing was actually inside me and what was on screen was me. From the inside. The consultant kept telling me that it looked good in there and there was nothing to worry about. To be honest knowing that I was empty was more of a relief as I had to endure the day before of emptying myself. So, all good then chaps lets wrap this up and I can go to the footie. Just like frigging Colombo he says there is just one thing. Oh, really? Yes, there is a Polyp and there it was large as life on screen. Suddenly this tube that is already in there turns into something from Inspector Gadget.
There are things coming out the end of the tube where the camera was, is absolutely amazing. it's like inspector gadget there's a camera in there there's a soldiering iron, there's a knitting needle, there's a fishing net, this thing has more attachments that a Swiss army knife. OK I admit to a slight exaggeration there, but this thing is amazing. Where was I? Oh yes - they spot the polyp, they then go through the rest of the bows and say the rest looks fine but they will take the Polyp out and send it off for tests. As I watch a little needle come out from the bottom of the camera, the stick it inside my intestine and the whole thing blows up like a balloon and turns blue. They say they've effectively frozen underneath the polyp they then send another little gadget in that looks like a soldiering iron wire in a circle that goes around the polyp and then pulls in and affectively almost burns it off it. It falls off and ends up sitting on the inside of my intestines, which is pretty weird to watch knowing that you can't feel it but know it is actually happening inside of me. Then a little net comes out and drops over the top of it scoops it up and they pull it out. Oh by the way yes I feel it coming out of me, it's not the nicest feeling especially when you spent the day before eating laxatives all day and just emptying yourself so they can go in and have a good look but there we go. The polyp is taken away for a biopsy which can take six to eight weeks. So I make the assumption that if I hear anything prior to six weeks then there's actually a problem so working it out six weeks from the first two weeks of the new year this is something to look forward to. If I hear before January then there is going to be a problem.
I come home and then take the wife shopping for Christmas presents and get home from there and I still have enough time to get to the football. I shit myself at home and decide its better to stay at home rather than sitting in a stadium with thousands of other people. Seeing as I have had some issues with appointments that I have moved over to a digital system that links up to the hospital.
Last week I have a message that pings up on this new digital system it’s still two weeks to Christmas and there is two message on there the first is to say they're going to phone me about blood test results and I need to get a blood test organised as close to New Years Day as possible. I have that covered so that's fingers crossed looking good. However the second message is a letter saying they have the test results back from the biopsy of the polyp. Two weeks after the appointment that means it is four weeks earlier than I thought and my heart sinks. I've read between the lines I know what's going on I know where this is going.
As this is the Christmas addition I'm going to take this opportunity for anyone that still reading this I think there's only two of you or maybe only one to wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Very Happy Super Smashing Lovely Fulfilling Enjoyable and the Best Fricking 2023 imaginable and I hope to see you all in 2023 at some stage and not raise a glass of alcohol but maybe a good glass of soft drink or cola if you're that way inclined and that's it really that sums up my update my final update for 2022. oh, I haven’t forgot the final word that I promised for this update, and it does relate to the result of the biopsy and that final word is that the polyp was…
benign.
Wednesday 5th June 2024
A speech for my big birthday party -
So, for those that don't know I am about to turn a number that ends in a zero and begins with a five this year and as such I didn't know what to do in terms of celebration. Do I go out for a big meal or should I book a hall and have a big party celebration where lots of people come along and get drunk. To be fair the fact is I am 50 and I'm a grumpy old git now so couldn't afford to take everyone out for a meal, didn't want to see everyone getting drunk now that I'm an unhealthy turd, that is medically not allowed to drink and due to that I didn't want to sit and watch everybody else getting drunk and having a good time whilst I was sat in the corner being sober so I had to come up with something else and this is what I came up with.
If you haven't worked out what this is already then think about the fact that any do or function, I would end up being asked to stand and do a speech, so I thought yeah what the hell let's do a speech. Then trying to write this monolith took about eight attempts and became a list of names to mention throughout my lie. Then the names got over a hundred and I thought someone might just be trawling through just for their name. Aha I thought I would just list names and I decided to stop when getting close to three hundred. So instead, I will list groups, Clubs, Jobs, Schools, Colleges, and the University and if I met you at any of those places then I still remember you and wish you well. Let me begin with the first school I went to Town Farm School, I remember classes, teachers, and fellow students from there. Instantly I remember names stories and I could easily be here all night on each one of them. So, this would need editing a lot, so to cut it short if I went to Town Farm School with you, I still love you I still think of you. If I went to Stanwell Secondary School with you, I still remember many of you and the days of red rover, snowball fights and those bullies that terrified me every day. I remember all those days fondly and we'd love to go back and do it over again. If you know me from the pretentious sounding Ashford High School days where I was there for three years, I still think of you I remember you fondly I had great times there. Those were the real school days; I remember the shit I got away with more than most other things to be honest. I was naughty but seen as an angel, how did I get away with that.
Then there was Spelthorne College, where I really started to grow up, having access to alcohol was probably the main thing and not fags (Sorry Yanks that means Cigarettes). For those in the know we would hang out in Woolworths and often spent a lunchtime down Mary-Jane’s Pants. It was here that I fell in love, and it would be forever as it was with a band by the name of Iron Maiden and a love I hold to this day. Honestly, I cannot think of a happier time in my life than around this time everything was just great, no worries and responsibilities but the freedom to just have fun. Excellent. I remember fondly the people and the friendships that I feel I should mention a couple of people here Chris who I still know to this day and Bethan who I don't really speak to anymore although I know she's got married and has had some kids. I remember getting her and a friend together and then feeling bad that it didn’t work out in the long term.
From college I went to the University of Greenwich where again I'm about to single out a few people as there is too many to mention. I still speak occasionally to Jugtar, although not for a while and then there's Hayden who allowed me to be his best man for his wedding and that I am eternally grateful for, and I thank him forever even though now I don't really get to see him as much as I would like to, I understand he's doing well, and he is loving life so I'm happy for him.
From there I'm going to talk about jobs and not list the hundreds of people I could mention here and pick off a few. There was my first job with Prontaprint, working for Murray and the three girls there one of which Hannah who I regretted never sharing my feelings with for such a long time. From Prontaprint and I went to Rapidos which was another place where I loved nearly everybody that worked there, with the exception of Merv who brought the company purely to strip it and sell it for a profit as soon as possible. He didn’t care about the employees that probably given their life up to that point and I left asap one he arrived and moved onto Data Repro and Polydraft in central London where I liked all the people there, but it never really felt like home. Similarly, there was Trucolor where I couldn’t share information correctly and it took many years before I worked out what I should have done. All too late and they probably hate me for it. I moved to a company called Bestcare which saw me work for a long time and I was in a management role. I loved my time here and all the people I worked with in different ways. I must add that this was far and above the most fun I have ever had in a place of work in my life. Although not always work related we worked hard and then played hard also. One of the best things about working there was meeting and working for Jerry the Sales Director who on more than one occasion brought me sanity in a crazy world I was in. In certain cases, he showed me the sanity and gave me advise I still rely on today, I always describe him as giving me sage like advice, which I still live by today. Then as the place became toxic Paul got me out and then there is Neil who definitely needs a mention. He was an enemy then a colleague and then a friend and a friend who still owes me a TV and used to get me drunk on so many occasions. Who could easily tell you many stories, but I hope like myself will keep them as a secret.
From there I moved to a truly global corporation as I joined the Avis Budget Group. What a professional bunch of characters who were predominantly loyal, hardworking, friendly, helpful, and kind. There is so many names I could mention here but I will single out Christian because he effectively hired me twice firstly at Avis I then moved away from his team internally he moved on and I then decided to follow by working for him again when I joined the Thrifty Car & Van Rental team which was another group of similar people in terms of professional hard working but happy joyous to have a laugh with as you're doing your job here clearly the work came first but was extremely professional but it was professional with a smile, It would have been around this time that there was some tricky business and I was forced into changing my role and I took a leap of faith and joined Bracknell Forest Council and shout out to Shaifali, Pip and Dawn here, although the whole team was probably the best team I worked with. It was a tough job and very testing but the togetherness of them all made it worth it. I still speak to all of them and could not ask for a nicer team. I wish them all the best. From there to another council the one in Wokingham Borough Council where the job was fantastic although my boss (or to be completely honest I think it was my boss’s boss) was not. I will breeze over that quickly as Covid was the big thing then and some other issues. I eventually joined Kennel Lane School where it turned out I was working with Dawn again and some of the nicest and hardworking people you could want to meet. I would not say a bad word about any of the people, well I would but that is because I am old and grump, the people here have become friends, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Now that I have finished my CV, I would just like to say thank you to everyone that I've worked with and alongside including the students that I studied with, the time that I spent with you is still in my memory I still gone memory it's still working, and I loved it I love all of that time.
I feel that I should risk getting shot and talk about girlfriends which is truly a dangerous subject particularly when you married however there's not been that many, I don't think there is anyone that I hate and would not be social to in any situation. There was Belinda and Clare, Clare was around for many years and the second longest in my life. Then there was Gina and Sandra who was the last before I met my wife and all of which I would be so pleased to hear that they were doing well and enjoying life. Which is true for the last name in this list, but I fear that sentiment will not be returned as I think she would want me hung, drawn, and quartered which is namely Fiaze who hates my guts and would like to kill me in a dark alley given the chance. I do not feel the same and honestly, I can't think back to any of them without knowing they played important parts of my life and get me to be the person I am today. I always remember John Cleese saying that relationships have a clock attached I don't disagree with that too much sometimes people just grow apart sometimes. There you go I've mentioned them all except the wife who I will circle back to.
I know I'm getting old because I keep thinking of faces and I can't remember names there's some people that I feel I should mention outside of the family as I will get to the family eventually but those people such as Debbie who I grew up with as my sister even though she wasn't and Tanya who believes that I am her brother and vice versa To be fair who when my mum was unwell towards the end T was so important to mum . On the subject of my mum, I have to mention two ladies firstly Jenny and closely followed by Linda who in particular was a lynchpin for the support with mum and my sister as well.
Mentioning Pauline leads neatly into talking about my family now every Auntie and Uncle deserve to have mentions but again too many to list here. If you are reading this, it means you and don’t forget it. You have only ever shown me kindness and love and I thank you all for that. If I couldn’t list all of them then I have no chance with the cousins and beyond there are over a hundred of you so you are all included but I will not list, you all. I will mention Dave kicking lumps out of me on a weekly basis before he taught Wayne and Scott how to kick lumps out of me when he couldn’t keep up with me anymore. Wayne goes to gigs with me still even though I am struggling to stay standing up in these places now. For the rest of my vast family all I can say is I wish there was more time to spend more time with you as I think of you fondly and wish you only happy and kind thoughts.
In terms of other things in my life there and I have to mention going up going up in Nevis and with all the Thrifty lot including Christian Davis who hired me twice and gives the biggest hugs ever in the snow and ice of the peak to that mountain. I put that down to relief. Pauline, Charlotte, Ian, Neil, and Emma who all helped too train, put up with me being around or not being around when needed or not. Who motivated me and literally kept me going when walking from London to Brighton via Shoreditch and taught me a valuable life lesson that just about hard work and a lot of dedication and a lot of pushing you can achieve things and it's something I'd love to do again, and I possibly might regret those words. Also couple of other names I would like to mention back when me and Martin ran a kid’s football team from Sunbury Celtic up to under 17’s when they became Hanworth Villa and for some reason I was not told about when training restarted. To this day I don’t know what happened but anyway it introduced me to Tim and then Sam and their family who are all the kindest and loving family you could think of and those who became godparents to my children and share a love and dedication to the same football team and I have to mention AFC Wimbledon at some point here as it has grown to be so important in my life. Added to this group I should also mention Chris who was always in the background at my life and without realising we went to school together we went to college together I was friends with his best friend then we went our separate ways and ended up living about 10 minutes down the road from him where we now play games in a group. I also must mention another big part of my life and someone I am really proud of although not necessarily for me but for those that have grown from it and that is the walking group which I have led for nearly six and a half years. Meeting over two-hundred people in that time and helping a few on their way to a better life is something I really hold onto and helps me live each day.
In the previous 16 versions of these words, I have mentioned Myers and the fact that this my nickname and one that came about between college and university and one that is covered in shrouds of mystery, and it is there which will remain. I will say that it is not because of an online chatting system and it’s not really because of my obsession with the movie Halloween although both were involved. I will probably or possibly never mention the true reason for this and over the past forty years there are only a few that know the initial central point for this.
Now I've kind of breezed over friends really my best friend I will get to in a second others have been mentioned such as Charlotte, Ian, Matt, Chris, Paul, Jacob, Jason, and I'm sure many of us will gripe that they didn’t see their name and I know, and I am sorry. I cannot list four hundred plus names here! The is one that really deserves a special mention before family is Kimi from America who I met for the first time 27 years ago (she tells me) and we've been friends ever since days, worries, concerns, stories, events, that I've shared with her that I've not shared with anybody else. You connect with someone on a level where you can share your innermost fears then you found someone you can trust. She was the last person to speak to my mum and one of the first people I think of when I've anything going on in my life, so yes, I think of her fondly, yes, I include her in everything even though she's 2000 plus miles away. I got to meet her family this year for the first time and they're all fantastic as well - even though there's a slight obsession with Tim Horton coffee and doughnuts but the Donuts might have been me, but we'll move on quickly. 50 years in and I'd like to thank her for the help, advice, and conversations and above all her friendship.
Family is really the be all and end all. It’s the true central point of everything of my being. I will begin with my sister who's part of all my life (obviously!). I love her to bits and her family even if I can't remember days when I'm supposed to be god parenting for of them one of them. I would do anything to help if I could and know that this is reciprocal from them as well. I spend my days thinking I need more time for them and then that’s the same for everyone else.
I remember years ago having a party at my parent’s home for my dad and I can't remember if it was his 50th or 60th or his retirement or something and he had a friend stand up and say some kind words and then he stood up and thanked everybody and that's probably where this nugget of an idea came from. Everyone’s parents mould and create the person that you become sometimes with their absence and sometime with their over baring but the sheer fact I could easily name 400 plus people and talk of them fondly I hope means that they created a well-rounded and kind person that people actually like and that you are not just playing games with me. My parents created this monster, this person that I am now, and I owe them the world and everything in it. They gave me the world and I chose what I wanted from it. The only thing that I would change is to talk to them both again and make sure they knew how much I love them. I still talk to them every day pretty much without fail however I am old and crazy now.
There was one special thing in my life I haven’t mentioned yet and that was swimming in a giant fish tanks with four different types of sharks my favourite Tope Shark, the beautiful Angel Shark that let me stroke her and the massive with big scary pointy teeth the gang of Sand Tiger Sharks. Now the reason for this adventure was after checking my life assurance was my wife’s doing.
All this waffle proves that people come and go in your life but one who stuck around with me (the fool) is my wife and the kids who even still talk to me to this day. They have stuck with me through the shit and the fantastic times as well, they are there to listen to my groans and moans and the shitty days I have and the good ones as well. The dog even puts up with me and so do the kids who are two unique individuals, and they are three of the most important people in this world to me. I am immensely proud of them all from the bravery to get through some days to pursue their goals and dreams and are currently making this happen. I love them to the moon and back and should I not be here I want all those that have spent the time to even glance at this to step in and help these three as they won’t ask for it themselves. They are all fantastic and you would love doing that for them.
I will finish potentially on a sombre note as when I was a teenager (Yes all of them years ago) someone said what is your goal in life and I said just three words. They were – To die happy. No for that to happen I would need good friends along the way, a family to be proud of and working history that are covered with some of the nicest kindest and loving people ever. So should I drop dead seconds after the full stop coming then I would be going whilst being the happiest I could possibly be. There is not a lot of love in this world, but I think I cornered the market with all the people I’ve met on the way making my fifty.
Comments