BAD MOVIE REVIEW (Part 3) - The French Extreme Concludes... la seconde moitié
As the second half of the French Extreme Movie reviews I thought I should add another comment that the movies reviewed here are very Extreme and should be viewed by adults only. I have tried to keep the reviews in check but something may of slipped through and the subject matter on these movies are extreme which is why they are in this list.
After a bit of a plea I have turned up some more films so I thought I would spread this particular parts across two pages rather than the initial plan of one page. Here we are with part 2 of the part 2. Making it a part 3 in a different way. The extreme films from France will continue for an extra page whilst I have kept my eye on other bad movies so normal service will resume soon. Just a quick reminder of the scoring system.
So Bad – Its Fantastic
So Bad – Its Good
So Bad – Its Funny
So Bad – It’s Not Worth Your Time
So Bad – It is Simply that - Bad.
So Bad – Its Awful
Calvaire (The Ordeal) (#17)
The title cover.
To introduce this movie, it was another one that I didn’t really look up but just purchased it online ahead of this review. The DVD has sat on the shelf and waited for me to finally pick it up and (what I believe) conclude the ‘French Extreme Cinema’ movie reviews. The strange thing about this one was not knowing anything about it I loaded it into the player hit play and sat back, what happened next was a movie that I had seen before. I cannot remember where or when but since watching I have been racking my brain. From memory I have not watched many French movies prior to this collection. My best guess is that it was a horror season on FilmFour or one of the other movie channels that show collections of movies. This must have been in there. I am sure the DVD would have had less cuts than the televised version. It did take me some time to work out that I had seen this before, but I had not seen the start. Released in 2004 this is a psychological horror directed by Fabrice Du Welz. It starts Laurent Lucas who looks like he truly went through an ordeal in the making of this movie. Having half his hair shaved off and spending half the movie in a dress. I have no idea about the finances of this movie which always makes me worried about how it performed at the box office. In terms of viewer reviews the two scores I often share is Rotten Tomatoes which gave it 46% and IMDb which was slightly more complimentary with 6.2 out of 10. That is enough intro here is the plot for you.
THE PLOT
(With obvious SPOILER ALERTS!!!)
A low-level travelling singer is performing pop tracks in old people’s homes and getting attentions from the older ladies. His name is Marc Stevens and when driving home for Christmas he is going to Royally regret his van breaking down in the middle of no-where. A man searching for his dog finds him and tells him that he could follow him to an inn. He follows leaving the van window open as the man hurries off into the darkness.
Arriving at an inn that is looking rather run down and sorry for itself. The man (Boris) shouts up to a window for a Mr Bartel. Who appears and comes down to rescue Marc and takes him to a warm bed for the night. Waking up and looking out the sunshining window the next morning Mr Bartel has towed his van back to the farm surrounding the inn. Mr Bartel then starts working on the van with the promise of getting him going as soon as possible. Admitting that he is not mechanical at all Marc goes for a walk and Mr Bartel gets a little hyper about this plan telling him to stay away from the village to which Marc agrees and then goes to the village. Well, when I say that he actually goes to farm close to the village where he spies on a family watching a teen boy having intercourse with a pig. Meanwhile Mr Bartel has ditched the repairs and headed into the van and completing a thorough investigation of the contents. Taking photos of a near naked woman that Marc had hidden in his van.
That's not how you repair a van Mr Bartel
That evening Mr Bartel tells Marc that he was a comedian back in his day before becoming aggressive and angry when describing his ex-wife Gloria who left him years ago. He then insists that Marc performs for him and Marc sings before retiring for the night. Finding some of his ‘things’ Marc realises that Mr Bartel has been going through his van and stealing items. Marc decides to ignore Mr Bartel’s request to leave everything to him and phone for help. Mr Bartel has been using his phone quite a bit so Marc sneaks in to use it but then finds that it isn’t even connected to the wall. Marc confronts Bartel and finds him destroying his van before covering it in Petrol and torching it and then knocking Marc out. Marc wakes tied to a chair and Bartel is mumbling about Marc being Gloria, he then shaves half his hair off for cheating on him historically and he is forced into a dress. That night they share a bed and Bartel cuddles him into the night.
Not the best hairdresser there's ever been.
The following morning Marc is tied up on the back of the tractor whilst Bartel drives into the woods to cut down a Christmas tree. Seizing his moment Marc escapes and hot foots it into the woods. With his hands still tied behind him he gets snagged in a rabbit snare. Once again, the strange man from before (Boris) finds him lying in the darkness. Marc begs for help, but Boris calls him his missing dog and sits with him patting him like a dog until Marc bites him.
Thats a big Rabbit you got there Bartel!!
The next morning Bartel arrives and takes Marc back to the inn covered in a blanket. For trying to escape Gloria needs to be punished and Marc is nailed to a crucifix before he heads off to the village for a drink at the local.
Nailed
He warns the men there that Gloria is back and although how she was before they can’t have her now, and they seem scared by him. After he leaves the men have a dance party to a polka.
The conclusion with the ending spoiled below!!!
At the Inn they have Christmas dinner and Boris arrives with a cow which he now believes is his missing dog. Bartel talks about love, togetherness, and the spirit of the holidays, before a sudden rifle shot rings out and a bullet explodes through the inn's window, killing Boris. The villagers have arrived and are rushing the inn (pig in tow) intent on reclaiming the calf that Boris had taken. It is also clear that they intend on raping Gloria (well Marc) as well. One does, well nearly does and on the kitchen table no less. Bartel is killed and the villages gives chase when the shooting and confusion allows Marc another chance to escape and runs through the woods. He arrives at a cemetery the following morning after running through the night.
On the run.
The land is cold, frozen, and snowy as the chase continues with one last villager. Who slips and falls into the swamp. He slowly sinks and Marc comes back to him and rather than using his own gun against him or to attempt to save him Marc sits and watches him slowly drown. The man pleads with Marc addressing him as Gloria to say that she does in fact love him. With his final breaths approaching the villager, Marc relents and tells the man that he does love him and then watches him disappear below the surface leaving Marc on his knees in the wilderness alone.
The end is nigh for both.
THAT IS THE PLOT FINISHED HERE'S MY SUMMARY -
My summary
I was amazed to discover that I had in fact seen this movie before, particularly considering some of the themes and scenes contained within. I am still not exactly sure when, where and how but I am confident it was a FilmFour season of worldwide horror movies where I saw some weird and wonderful films during that season. In terms of the ‘French Extreme Cinema’ this was much tamer in comparison to some of the other movies I have reviewed. The likes of Martyrs, Inside, or Frontier(s) will not be shown on the TV in the UK for many a year. I never say never as things change but my point here is that yes, there are some ‘strange’ scenes here but nothing in comparison to those.
You do really feel for Marc (and the actor) in that situation and what he goes through. The Ordeal is an appropriate name due to the film. The innocent victim in all this has the audience sympathy but do you care enough to feel for him throughout? Its an hour and thirty-eight minutes long and it begins with a slow burner as little happens. He arrives at the Inn and does not become suspicious until he finds evidence by that stage the van is destroyed minutes later. Marc then turns into a complete victim, and he goes from horrendous thing to horrendous thing. There are similarities with other gorier movies in that with the likes of Martyrs and Frontiers. The madness of the village is so much more sinister than Sheitan and puts you on edge and fully worried of what they might do in comparison to the laughable quirkiness of Sheitan. It does feel like one movie knows what it is doing and the other is just attempting to be something it isn’t (good).
This movie does work and it’s in the horror section for a reason. Well, there is a few reasons and they are all pretty much listed in the plot above. Where many of the ‘French Extreme Cinema’ do not cut away from the gore or the close-up action, this movie is a bit more traditional where it cuts away and allow the audience to form its own conclusion which more often than not, is worse than what is actually shown on screen. This movie doesn’t attack the censors like nearly every other member of this group, but it does give a full horror show for you and horror fans alike.
For a verdict of this movie, I am strangely on the fence here as I think horror fans will be the same with some loving and others hating this film. The gore fans will assume it hasn’t gone far enough. The suspense fans will equally say it hasn’t gone far enough. Those that are spooked by the madness of folks (the fans of A Texas Chainsaw Massacre) will probably be pleased if not jumping up and down with joy from this movie. In general, the movie fans buffs of Rotten Tomatoes gave this a meagre 46% which I can see. I’d really like to see what horror fans think of the movie as I for one, don’t think this is a bad movie but it is far from a great one. I think there are so many better movies out there, meaning that this one, will be nested in the somewhere in the “just above the middle” section. It is low key even with its violence and the madness shines through but again it isn’t over the top just highlighted. This is the mediocre at best and I and there in the middle. I am torn between whether this middle of the French Extreme road is a good or bad movie to complete this two-part section or not. No matter what, that is the conclusion of the two-part French Movies section of the bad movies review and onto the run of the mill [Oh that is really funny!] movies as I have got my hands on one of the requested bad movies to review so part five will begin soon. (I hope)
The Verdict -
The Ordeal = So Bad – Its just about alright
Inside (#16)
Next up will be a movie I saw a week or two before Martyrs and very nearly put me off from watching Martyrs at all. As I type this introduction, I do not have a copy of this movie and not sure how I am going to get hold of one. With the extremeness of the movies, they can be exceedingly difficult to get hold of. Now I believe one of the popular online movie providers has a copy of this and for the British viewer I am going out on a limb here and say this will no doubt be seriously edited. The original version I watched did not appear to be that cut to bits. Based on the gore and general yuckyess it provided over one hour and twenty-two minutes of blood filling up the television screen. Why would I want to watch it again? Firstly, for artistic reasons I want to ensure that I have given this one a fair crack of the whip, as after a single viewing I found this a genuinely bad movie. I mean so bad it was bad, which has led me to track down another copy and give it another go. I keep going back to a comparison with Martyrs. Where Martyrs kept me guessing as to where the story was going to go, after a few minutes of this story I had worked it out. When the big reveal happens at the climax of the film, I had not only work out exactly what was going on I had already picked out many plot holes in the rest of the story. If gore is your thing you are going to love this blood-filled stab-a-thon. If you want a story, that scares or excites you then maybe this is not the one. Blood = oui, plot = non. Si j’arrive à la fin et que je dis pourquoi je me suis embêté, je pense que le résumé s’écrira tout seul.
The film poster
THE PLOT
(With obvious SPOILER ALERTS!!!)
The movie begins with a car crash in the rain and a woman’s face pressed against the window. Four months later we are close to Christmas and learn that the woman survived and is pregnant with the baby of the man that died in the crash. Sad, she had decided to spend most of Christmas at home alone.
The baby is overdue and although its Christmas Eve the plan is to go to hospital tomorrow. Sarah (main character) turns down her mother’s offer to stay the night there and instead asked her boss to take her to the hospital for her eventual delivery. That evening a mysterious person knocks on the door asking to use the telephone to call for help. Sarah lies about her husband being asleep but the woman knocking already knows he is dead. The mystery woman persists, and Sarah tries to take her picture through the window. Sarah calls the police they arrive and assure Sarah that whoever it was, they are long gone, and they will have regular patrols to keep eyes on the building throughout the night.
Sarah's in the bathroom.
Developing the photo Sarah recognises the woman from another photo she has already taken. Sarah is a photographer (by the way) and the woman is in the background of other shots meaning this woman is targeting her and not just a random act. She calls her boss and asks him to enhance the photos for a clearer view of her face. She goes to bed and the mysterious woman appears in her bedroom. The woman in black has a pair of scissors and is trying to cut into Sarah’s large baby filled belly. Sarah fights her off and locks herself in the bathroom.
The mystery woman in black.
Sarah’s boss arrives and meets the mystery woman assuming her to be Sarah’s mother. Then Sarah’s actual mother arrives and with Sarah terrified mum heads upstairs only to be stabbed to death with knitting needles by Sarah thinking she was the intruder. Elsewhere the actual intruder kills the boss.
Whoops!
She has the scissors.
[Now the movie goes from extreme gore to just plain stupid and gore]. As the police arrive!! [These police were trained at Billy Smarts Clown School]
Sorry *serious face* I shall continue…
The police arrive along with an arrested suspect who they didn’t have time to take to the police station before doing their rounds. The police officers knock on the door and our mystery woman opens the door, telling them that she is fine and not seen anything to worry about since the other officers arrived. They accept this and return to the car.
The penny drops when they sit in the car and realise that Sarah is supposed to be heavily pregnant. The woman they just spoke to wasn’t. The first officer returns to the home and while trying to arrest this mystery woman is stabbed to death with knitting needles.
Sarah is pinned to the wall lets see what the police can do...
The second officer is shot in the back of the head, whilst trying to help Sarah. Meanwhile the third officer is in the car with the arrested man from earlier. Does the gun shot make him call for back up?
No, of course not he has had Billy’s training of how to be killed whilst in service.
Instead, he chains the arrested man to his waist and drags him into the house to find his two colleagues who haven’t returned.
The officer and the arrested man go into the house and discover the power is out. Aha this will turn him around and call for back up for sure.
Nope!
Oh yes that’s right he is here to find his colleagues who have disappeared. He must be going to support his buddies.
Hmm, no he doesn’t do that either.
What does he actually do? I hear you ask. You see the answer is quite easy if you think about how blatantly obvious his action turns out to be. Rather than calling for back up, pull a weapon and search the house for his team he decides to turn into an amateur electrician and try to sort the lack of power out. [As any normal sane police officer would do!].
Finding the electricity cupboard, I can’t remember I think he is using a lighter or a torch. There is the box this should be a simple fix all you need to do is waste enough time for a mystery woman in black sneak up behind you whilst you are looking in a electricity cupboard and get shot in the head. Simples. She finishes off the fourth member of the clown posse by stabbing the arrested man to death and I feel sorry for him [He appeared in this movie].
The gore continues as Sarah confronts the woman and they have a household appliance battle. This causes nasty gory damage to both women.
SPOILER ALERT AS THE CONCLUSION AND THE REASON FOR THE ATTACK IS IN THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH. IF YOU WANT TO WATCH THIS DON’T READ UNTIL AFTER THE NEXT RED NOTICE.
With the mystery woman downed by a makeshift flame thrower she admits that she wants the baby to replace the one she lost in the car crash from the first paragraph. The [clown] police officer who was shot in the head at close range has miraculously survived the point-blank bullet. However, he is confused and blind [Just because, reasons] and starts to attack anything that moves namely Sarah. Beating her in the stomach with a baseball bat [again reasons] which induces the birth. The baby is now stuck so Sarah begs the woman to cut the baby out to save it. She does, killing Sarah in the process but the baby survives, and the mystery woman now has full respect for Sarah as she sits in a rocking chair staring at Sarah’s dead body [I guess that some people really need some convincing when deciding if you are a decent person after all].
THAT IS THE PLOT FINISHED HERE'S MY SUMMARY -
This summary could be quite a short one as I didn’t enjoy this movie. It was gory for the sake of it and the victims just wandering into the killing house one by one was believable to begin with but when the police arrived, I checked out. I will get to why I didn’t like this movie but I will begin with what was good.
The whole beginning and set up was perfect with the woman knocking on the door is as scary as hell. It is a really good scene, and the hero (heroin) is not stupid (particularly compared to the other characters) compared to other movies. She is believable and makes logical decisions the fact the support team is pants isn’t down to her. The whole bathroom scene is horrific and deserves to be in a better movie. I was properly shocked when the scissors put in an appearance. You will see the picture above so I will spoil the scene, as Sarah is locked in the bathroom and believes that the woman is gone. She cannot open the door as there is something behind it so she puts her hand through a hole to push this thing away. Then the bitch mystery woman strikes stabbing her hand into the wall with the scissors. Leaving Sarah trapped against the wall by her hand. Then the woman walks off and leaves our girl there pinned to the wall. Horrific and gory in equal measures and truly cringing as a scene. This scene alone could have made this movie great. It is a shame as the rest of this was not up to par.
The problem with this movie is that it was designed to make you spend the whole movie asking who is this woman and what is going on. When you are watching this movie close enough and you work it out before the movie has got going then it makes everything a bit of an anti-climax. When a movie shocks me which a few of these French movies have done, I will top my hat and I have no shame in saying well played director you beat me. If a movie turns right when I was expecting it to go forward then all well and good and it gets full respect from me. It has to be a clever twist and not just a stupid complete change in plot. Sadly, for me this had an obvious plot I worked it out and was waiting for it to play out rather than waiting on tender-hooks and what will happen next. This was a run of the mill horror with much more extreme gore than many others out there which doesn’t make it better. I have said many times that (most of the time) I can cope with gore but a movie needs to be, more than just gore alone. I don’t think this movie does enough. It definitely doesn’t do enough for me to like it.
The next point is that the police are so stupid and I don’t want to say that the French police are that stupid. Please someone come back to me to say that they are, because I am sure I am not the only one that thought that the three officers that arrive later in the evening are just dumb with every decision they make. I went from being impressed, then repulsed, then annoyed, then amused followed by given up and just not caring about anything or anyone in this movie. It just doesn’t work for me.
This movie appeared to have flopped at the box office costing $2.5m to make and recouped half a million at the box office. In terms of critical reception it is very well liked out there if you look at Rotten Tomatoes it has a 85% from critics while audience has 75% score for it. IMDb has it at 6.7/10 and 76% from google. There must be people out there that liked it, I for one wasn’t one of them. The story was obvious and stayed on that route with gore for the sake of it and that was it.
The Verdict -
Inside = So Bad – Its simply that Bad
Dans Ma Peau [In My Skin] (#15)
Have you ever seen the movie An American Werewolf In London? You know the scene in the hospital when Jack comes there to visit David. Come on you know the bit, because Jack has a piece of skin hanging down from his torn throat that flaps back and forth as he is speaking. If you hated that, then you are going to absolutely hate this movie. This is the story of one woman’s decent into the body shock and mental health horror that steadily descends through the film. There are people that are trying to help whilst she steadily sinks but ultimately, she is drawn deeper into the pleasures of the flesh and reaches a point where she isn’t in control anymore, instead it controls her. This is an intriguing movie from the F.E.M. collection. As with all the movies reviewed here, there will be a detailed plot description for you so if you don’t want spoilers stop reading for a while.
The film poster
THE PLOT
(With obvious SPOILER ALERTS!!!)
Before kicking off there is three main characters in this movie. The main lady is Esther, her friend Sandrine, and her boyfriend Vincent. We briefly see the main character and her boyfriend before she leaves and joins her blonde friend (Sandrine) as they go to a party at a swanky house. Esther heads outside and managers to fall over some metal objects and cuts her leg. She heads back into the party and meets her friend explaining that she’s cut her leg and ripped her trousers. It annoys her enough to leave the queue for the ladies’ toilet and sneak off upstairs. Finding a bedroom with an en-suite she cleans up but still manages to bleed all over the floor of the bedroom and the bathroom also. Sandrine shouts and she comes down again. The bleeding suddenly stops when she is downstairs. Whilst other guests are searching for a murder victim based on the blood found upstairs, they make their way out of the party.
Ester goes to the hospital and a doctor examines her leg. He says this wound was done a few hours ago why have you waited this long before seeking medical assistance? I didn’t realise it was this bad. Did it hurt? Not really. I hadn’t really noticed; it wasn’t until later that I saw the blood and thought I should get it checked out. The doctor exclaims ‘That’s not normal, but shock can do some strange things to a person,’ He evaluates her by poking random points of her body with a needle and she feels some but not others. He suggests some tissue repairing operation, but she declines if it’s not absolutely necessary. She watches intently as he sews up the wound.
She goes home does some work and gets some sleep. Next day she has a bath with a blue bag thing covering the wound. Removing the blue “keep dry” bag she notices that red blood is starting to come through. As you do, she starts to cut the dressings off revealing the gory wound beneath. Its black, red, and bloody, it is all very gory all in close up [Thanks director]. Vincent her boyfriend opens the door and finds her poking about the wound. He is shocked by the damage and wants to help; she explains what happened and it’ll be fine. They go to the kitchen and although much cleaner now she continues to poke and prod the wound. He lightly brushes her shoulder, and she ducks away and starts scratching her shoulder. Vincent says how come something like that doesn’t cause much but a light brush of your arm and you have a big reaction? She cannot answer him so doesn’t and he says that it is weird. When prompted Esther still doesn’t answer but instead starts an argument to change the subject. Vincent steps down his body language and they kiss and make up. He mentions at this point that he has had a job offer from a bank.
Vincent caring for his girlfriend.
Next day she can’t get her trousers over the dressings, so she just cuts them off and goes to work. She is given a tight deadline to re-write a section of her recent report as it was incorrect and needed improving the rest of it was fine. She spaces out at her desk and leaves her desk finding a storeroom which is poorly lit and empty. She finds some metal cutting tool and sets about cutting around the original wound and then the upper part of her leg (around the thigh area). This must have pleased her as she goes back to her desk and works.
In the afternoon she goes to find Sandrine who says she is too busy to stop, and Esther tells her about finding the storeroom and cutting herself, but rather than being happy Sandrine is worried and wants to help. Telling her to see a doctor to get some pills to help with stress and anxiety. Esther decides to leave, and Sandrine now wants to come with but Esther declines saying finish your work but agrees to go visit Sandrine tonight at her home. Esther climbs out the shower and Sandrine is banging on the door. Why did you lock it? I forgot and must of automatically do it. Seeing her leg Sandrine picks up the razor and scissors and leaves the room. That evening Sandrine brings up the cuts again and says she should get help. Esther changes the subject and Sandrine moans about being overlooked for promotions at work. She deserves more responsibility and never gets it.
Esther arrives at a swimming pool and walks around the outside fully dressed while colleagues from the office are swimming and playing about. She walks around to Sandrine, and they have a conversation. Esther explains that the report went well, and she has become the new junior project manager for the new contract. Esther has jumped above Sandrine, and she says she is pleased for her, but her face doesn’t seem to match the words. A group of men from the office seeing Esther grab her and lift her up above them to make her get in the pool saying she doesn’t have a costume. They don’t mine you can go in your underwear, and they start trying to take her clothes off they aggravate the wound and it starts bleeding realising they have gone too far they put her down and apologise. She looks to Sandrine who just says “Sorry, I panicked and froze,” this must explain why she didn’t help her. Esther goes out to the car and changes trousers removing the blood covered one.
Damnit boys she doesn't want to go for swim.
In the evening Esther tells Vincent that Sandrine is jealous, and she doesn’t want to be around her anymore. Vincent complains about the state of her leg and asks her to stop cutting as well. Next morning, she wakes up but cannot feel her hand. She starts to rub it and tries to get the blood flowing. Vincent wakes up and does this for her and smiles as he is trying to help her.
Back in the office there is a power meeting about the new contract. The customers are impressed with Esther’s knowledge. They plan to go out for a meal together in a couple of days. She gets back to her desk and Sandrine arrives to ask for her loaned trousers back. Esther says she couldn’t get the blood out and will cover the cost with a cheque. She is too busy now, so she’ll leave it with the receptionist.
Big and important executive meeting.
That night Vincent asks to dress her wounds. He gets panicky himself when he sees red on her hands. She shows him its just ink and he must apologise and feels bad.
We join Esther at the executive meal with her boss and two customers from the meeting earlier. They offer her wine, and she explains that she doesn’t drink. Without much forcing her arm is twisted and she agrees to try some red wine. She likes it and knocks it back. The customer tops up her glass and she necks that as well. They are talking about marketing in other countries, and she is struggling to keep up. Then her left hand starts doing things independently from her will. It grabs the meal, and she must use her right hand to drag it off. Her left hand goes limp after she pins it too the table. Then she looks again, and her hand is not attached at all. Her wrist and hand are on the table whilst her arm rests on her lap. No one else seems to notice as she starts to panic. Grabbing her left hand, she puts it on her lap, and it re-attaches itself. She grabs a steak knife and starts digging into her hand, she doesn’t feel it. Slicing her arm with the knife she swaps out with the fork. Putting her jacket on to hide the blood complaining about the air conditioning. They ask her a direct question and rather than answering she excuses herself. Esther sneaks into the cellar and starts cutting bits off of her arm to eat them. A waitress enters sees blood on the floor then the steak knife and runs out. Esther escapes back to the table just as the waitress explains to the manager what she saw, Esther looks drunk, and they just ask for the bill.
The hand in the restaurant scene.
Rather than heading to Vincent’s Esther goes to a hotel. Where she continues to cut herself, eats the flesh, and starts drinking the blood. You see nice and close-up the skin she is eating. She moves on from her arm and starts on her leg cutting her trousers and then starts cutting out large chunks of flesh to eat. Lifting her leg above herself so the blood drips onto her face.
The post meal reaction from Esther.
She gets to Vincent’s home and sees him through the window and then drives off. Pushing the car down a ditch it rolls into a tree. She then rolls around on the floor and calls the emergency services. Vincent arrives and the police tells him to go to the back of the ambulance. Esther is there recovering; Vincent points out the wounds are not on the knees which would be what you would expect for accident or thrown out of a car. She says it is what it is and he goes away from the point and just worries about her recovery.
Next day Esther gets a telling off at work for the night before and she accepts the ticking off and leaves. In the corridor outside she passes Sandrine, but they do not say a word.
Later that day Esther is walking around town with Vincent, and she says she needs cash. Going to the ATM she pulls out her purse and inside is a bag with bits of skin in it which she toys with and gets emotional about.
The following day Esther leaves Vincent in bed but nearly passes out when walking around the shopping centre. She goes back to her old flat and draws a square on her leg to guide her. We go into split screen as she goes hacking crazy you see flesh cut off and eaten. You see cuts and flesh on the knife. She becomes fascinated with herself in the mirror covered in dry blood. Looking in the mirror she then starts the rub a knife across her face. [Yes, she actually does this].
The real climax to Esther's solo time.
She is obsessed with the large square she’s cut out and goes to the pharmacy and asks for Formalin. The pharmacist points out that he cannot sell it as its illegal. He then suggests that she tans the skin like leather. Use potassium and then explains how to do it. She has the skin with her, and he asks to take a look. Yep, it looks perfect and should tan perfectly.
The morning after the night before.
Whilst going through the process she fills the room with photos of her bloodied body. She tells Vincent that she won’t be home and then calls to office to say she will be in tomorrow morning. Woke by the phone she finds the skin and holds it close to heart before pushing it into her bra. She dresses over the dried blood and leaves. Then returns lays on the bed staring at the camera that pans out and then the credits roll.
THAT IS THE PLOT FINISHED HERE'S MY SUMMARY -
Wow where do I start with this movie. I honestly didn’t enjoy it as a movie or anything else come to think of it. Honestly rather than scary, I just found it weird, I am aware of self-harming and for me it is not a great subject for a movie. The reasons behind it are (as far as I am aware) not for pleasure which subsequently means in my thinking non sensical. I can see people liking the idea of pain and I would assume that there are people out there that like cutting or plain old hurting themselves. I get it, (I think!) that whatever brings you pleasure brings you pleasure. What this character goes through just doesn’t fit somewhere. It is like those old pin ball machines (and I mean the really old ones) where a metal ball bounces around before it drops into a points hole. It could be 100 or it could be 10 or 0, watching this I wanted to firstly enjoy it and get 100 but not hate it and get a 0. However, the ball has somehow got stuck between the 100 and 10 and is just stationary between the two in plain sight but not moving. Weird analogy for a weird film I know but this just left me with more questions than answers.
The character Esther starts enjoying the cutting after having an accident. I simply cannot work out why she would enjoy it and being unable to get my head around this concept. It is extreme which is why it has a reputation it does and explains why it is in the genre as the rest in this collection. Reaching this point I thought I should try and work out what the director is trying to achieve here. Is it to tell a story of a woman moving up corporate ladder and coming to terms with the stress that comes with it? Stress is a reason why people self-harm so is it trying to tell an extraordinary story to get this into the mainstream to get a greater understanding in public. That makes some form of sense to me. The fact that she discovers that she enjoys it more than work, sex, friends, or anything else still has me confused. She gives up everything in her life to go to a room where she can do what she likes and to hell with the rest of it. Which leaves me confused.
The only other reason I can think of is that the director who happens to also be the star of the movie as well. If the plan were to make an extreme movie that hit the headlines for whatever reason just with the aim to promote her to superstardom in the film industry. If for no other reason makes some sense behind the logic as to make the movie. The story on the other hand still makes little sense, to me and the desires of the characters makes sense with the exception of the main character. The desire to eat oneself, nope no idea about that. It is a horror so I guess I should find it within myself to forgive this element of the movie. Which then flips it back to a gore movie just for the sake of a gore movie. Which may well explain why I am really not sure about it. That is my conclusion as a gore horror movie it will work for those that like ‘that type of thing’ for me – nope I have seen it more than once and if forced I’d watch it again. Would I enjoy the mystery and horror of it? Honestly, no I wouldn’t.
The Verdict -
Dans Ma Peau (In My Skin) = So Bad – Its Goretastic & not worth your time
Haute Tension (High Tension) or
Switchblade Romance (#14)
This is a movie I have owned since the start of the French Extreme Movie review idea, but I have never seen it. It will be the final movie of that batch to watch. As I type I still haven't got my hands on Inside, yet I feel I may have to purchase it to rent via one of the online movie streaming services. However, this one is all mine to take glory in. Having not seen it before and avoiding reading a plot or story I can only guess where this tale may take me. My best guess is a home invasion type affair where the woman from the cover finally finds a way to fight back against the antagonist that turns up with some reason as to why he has decided to attack (and no doubt kill) the other members of the household. Shall I give it a watch and then report back with an actual proper review below? Alllllllllllrighty THEN!
The cover
THE PLOT
(With obvious SPOILER ALERTS!!!)
Marie (left) and Alex (driving on the right)
Two friends Marie and Alex are driving to Alex’s parents house to visit for a weekend. They arrive and Alex gives Marie a tour of the building and introduces her to her Mother, Father, and much younger brother. Meanwhile a man is driving a beaten up dirty old truck. As he drives, he drops a head of a woman out of the window.
The dirty beaten up old truck.
That evening whilst the household is fast asleep and Marie is listening to music and playing with herself the dirty beaten up old truck pulls up outside the house. The man gets out of the vehicle and knocks on the front door. Alex’s father gets out of bed and goes to answer the door. He is met by a straight razor to the face as the unfriendly man wants in the house. Unlocking the door after simply pushing his hand through and turning the key and then the handle he easily lets himself in.
You wouldn't want to see him at your front door.
Here he is again no doubt doing some killing.
He murders the dad in a really nasty way and follows that up by slashing the mother’s throat. Marie is out of her room and hiding from the psycho as he tours the house.
Marie hiding under a bed.
Alex’s younger brother tries to escape and runs into the cornfields surrounding the home. You see psycho follow him into the field followed by the sound of a shotgun going off. Alex is chained and gagged while Marie is desperately trying to find a working telephone. The lines been cut so this is a fruitless mission. Finding Alex, Marie promises to free her but hears the nutter returning so she flees into the kitchen and retrieves a large kitchen (ala Michael Myers) knife.
Marie trying to free Alex.
Alex is dragged into the back of the dirty beaten-up truck and Marie manages to sneak in the back with her. She uses the knife to eventually break the locks on the back of the truck and when he stops for fuel she gives Alex the knife to protect herself should he come back and then sneaks off bare foot across the forecourt and into the petrol stations shop. Begging the attendant to call the police she sees the killer making his way towards the store and hides in the aisles.
Marie is still hiding from the psycho.
The killer sees that the attendant spots blood on his hands and kills him with a large axe to the chest. Goes for a ‘P’ and leaves in the truck. Marie remains and calls the Police who get annoyed with her as she cannot tell them where she is, or the reg of the truck, or where he is going. So, stealing a car she gives chase. Catching up with the truck she is rammed off the road and is injured in the crash. She drags herself out of the smashed upturned car and limps off into the woods with the killer in pursuit.
STOP NOW!!
If you are entertaining watching this movie at all.
Seriously STOP reading and skip to my summary now.
PLEASE DO NOT SPOIL IT FOR YOURSELF.
Marie has cobbled together a wooden plank and barbed wire into a serious weapon. As the killer attacks her to the point where he believes her dead from suffocation she strikes. Bashing him about the head and face, [you know he is coming back as it couldn’t be that easy could it] just like Marie the killer is suffocated and still.
Great now he has an angle grinder.
Just as Marie limps away towards Alex to free her from her chains the police have arrived at the service station and reviewing the CCTV to find out why there is an attendant on the floor of the aisles with a large fire axe in his chest. The video shows a short haired woman in a white t-shirt (Marie) slamming an axe into his chest as he was collecting the whiskey. [Huh? where was the guy and why did she call the police]. Meanwhile Marie is untying Alex telling her that the killer is dead and they are free to be together. Alex is confused and asking why Marie has killed all of her family? Marie doesn’t know. As they embrace Alex slashes Marie and stab’s her and runs away. Alex stops a car and tells the driver to go to the police but the car is crashed and stuck. Meanwhile Marie now has an angle grinder see –
Now Marie has the angle grinder.
And is giving chase. Giving this innocent man a new feature for his car a sun roof, followed by a sun-door before grinding through the window finishing him off with a personal sun-chest and a sun-face as well. Alex escapes and crawls away already badly injured and dragging a crowbar along with her. Marie forces Alex to tell her that she loves her and they kiss and mid-snog Alex thrusts the crowbar through Marie and out the other side. This concludes the movie with the exception of both women in the hospital with Marie handcuffed and looking a bit psycho herself.
PLOT DONE IT IS NOW SAFE TO READ AGAIN -
My Summary
I will begin this with a bit of a timeline. As I type this section, I have not written the plot above and I have watched this movie just one time. I watched it last night and I had it on whilst typing something else knowing that I will be going back to watch it again to take notes to be able to write this review. That is where I begin this summary of my views, I will conclude this section after watching it again. My point is the start of this is my initial reaction.
Wow. I didn’t see that coming! There was a major plot twist in this one and although on the initial viewing somethings don’t make sense. It is one of those movies which you have to watch at least twice to see the things you missed the time before. The journey of the story goes along a tried and tested single track road before it stops turns off the road and heads across the random field next to the road. I was left thinking - Where the hell we heading now? What the hell just happened and then you conclude the third act of the movie going what next? Is it this? Is it that? Does that mean this? Does it mean that? Questions upon question as the story goes on at pace. With what I feel the audience are thinking by this point is what the hell is going on? For me if a movie makes me go “Hang on a minute,” quite literally I sat up and took notice. I went from watching the extreme gore (oh yeah, the gore is there and filling up the screen) and assuming the usual run of the mill horror movie to going is this them or someone else? Who is that and what is that? If they were doing this, then why are they doing that? Why would you help? WHAT!?!?
With the entire household sleeping for the night the gore and pace of the story changes up as soon as the truck pulls up at the front door. The pace from then on, is frantic there is a car chase and some great hiding and sneaking about along with the intense violence throughout. Even when not fully focused on the movie I was on edge and waiting for something or someone to jump out or something sharp to come forcefully through a wall or door. This is where I think this film works it has all the gore and horror for the horror buffs which alone was enough on its own. It then takes a twist which I didn’t see coming and I will come back to. It was very well hidden in the story but was it too much of a twist? Well, that is what I will come back and check into. If the story is being too farfetched for itself, I will call it out below. For my initial view it was out of the blue and a shock, which worked for me, and I have said in these review many a time when a movie can do that I will stand, top my hat, and say well played director, well played. That is the position I am in at the moment, and I am actually very keen to watch it again and then see if I change my mind. I recently went to see the new Candyman movie, and I was really unimpressed with it and left the cinema saying that I hoped I would reflect and mellow to it and allow it to grow on me. The opposite happened and all I could remember was the things that annoyed me about the movie and made me dismiss it as a movie. This film is triggering a similar response where I think I am going to think this is going to get worse the more I think about it, and I was that impressed that I am not sure I want to. That said I am keen to watch the movie again and then see how I feel. One watch and I am genuinely pleasantly surprised. Well, done director well played that person (I’ve not done any homework so could be male or female).
Ok I have finally done some homework and the director is Alexandre Aja who had directed two movies before this one. The success of this then led to him being handed the reigns for the remake of ‘The Hills Have Eyes’ in 2006. He went on to direct Mirrors and Piranha 3D and Crawl. Which was a movie that I saw recently which was released in 2019 about alligators in a flood hunting people in their own flooded homes. It had high tension in there I can tell you, although not the greatest of stories it wasn’t a bad movie. There is a bit of controversy over the movie and a book by Dean Koontz, but no one sued the other and both sides have shown disrespect to the other and tried to distance themselves from one another. This movie has a score of 41% on Rotten Tomatoes so was not very well liked it did however appear to turn a profit. If the figures of $2.5m budget compared to $6.8m return from the box office are to be believed. A little tip for you with movies looks at the budget that is banded about and double it, if the box office return is higher than that new number then it was profitable. The problem is that the Budget and Box Office figures are subject to a very big pinch of salt. This movie is no different from any other in that respect. For me, this movie was a success in cinemas and led to the director getting recognised as a horror specialist and has seen success on the back of that.
I digress from what I promised above and now having seen the movie a second time what are my views. I have seen the movie a second time and I enjoyed it a second time knowing what I knew about the story, and I still enjoyed it. There are a couple of points prior to the twist that does not make sense or takes some believing to work out how it came together. Trying to not make spoilers for you but how does the knife get from one to the other. If you have seen the movie then you will know what I mean. Seeing some of the interviews on the DVD they really did come together to make this movie and fair play to them. The story was just as good the second time, but it felt like watching from a different side. The best analogy I can give is like watching a football match from the home end and then going back and watching the same game but sat in the away end. That’s the best I can give you, I was so pleasantly surprised by this movie that I think it must have a good score and more so gets my thumbs up and would recommend it to anyone who could cope with the gore, then you really should give this one ago. This is a clever, cheap, little movie that is full of gore and things going into people and coming out the other side. It is with that all in mine I must give this one a good score and then spread the word about how good this movie is. Go give it go (but prepare yourself for the gore).
The Verdict -
Switchblade Romance = So Bad – Its Fantastic
Baise Moi (#13)
Ahead of watching this to review I was lent this movie as another French Extreme movie and was told the translation is to kiss. The French Noun, un baiser means ‘a kiss’ but the verb baiser means ‘to f**k’ finding this out after the movie means I blundered into this one similarly to Intimacy but a completely different result as I believe this was what I feared I would get with Intimacy as opposed to the great story that actually happened. This film on the other hand I knew little of before hitting play and then I get the review I was expecting on the other movie, which will now effectively appear below. Sorry, I digress so ahead of hitting the play button the title translated means ‘F**k Me’. I was led to believe this is a movie about girls that seduce men and then kill them, I'm warned that the gore factor is very high. Its also described as Bonnie & Bonnie (I guess who needs Clyde) but I will stop the pre-review clues and hit play and start taking notes, so I can write the plot.
The cover
THE PLOT
(With obvious SPOILER ALERTS!!!)
The start of the movie follows two women in different circumstances but end in similar positions. We are introduced to the girls but cutting between them in different places. Nadine is in a pool club and bar where we follow a blonde woman who is trying to get her man to come home and quite frankly, he is a douche and telling her she is cramping his style and she ends up hiding near the bar. Before we see the opening titles.
The stories below are entwined and the film cuts back and forth with both, so you get smaller snippets and then cuts back to the other story.
Later Nadine is at home watching porn when her roommate walks in and tells her off, for laying around and not helping in the home. Nadine also keeps helping herself to the roommate’s food, drink, and drugs. Which really annoys her, and they have a shouting row. Nadine gets a phone call from some dodgy looking block which turns out to be her pimp and drug supplier. She arranges to meet a man in a hotel. Where she goes and gives him a BJ (which you see on screen). Later she goes and meets the pimp in another hotel where he explains that he has another job so could she take this ‘package’ to a girl on the 13th. She agrees and promises to do so. Later she finds him shot dead on the bonnet of a car. Then much later she returns home, where her flat mate is waiting for her.
A still from the uncomfortable scene.
Cutting in between the above we meet Manu at home speaking to her brother(?) who is called Radouan. They are talking about drugs and other things. Manu leaves the house and walks into a rough looking bloke who asks about Radouan as he is going to get a beating. She denies knowing where he is, and the rough man tells her to pass on a message that they’ll kill him when they catch up with him. She then meets her friend who has just got her benefits cheque and is looking for drugs and food. Manu goes to a bar where the bartender clearly has feelings for Manu and gives her two hundred francs and she heads back to her friend. They get stuff and end up sat on a bench. When a group or a gang of men turn up in a range rover. Later the girls are pushed out of the car and the men beat Manu’s friend and begin to rape her. While Manu is doing everything, they say without putting up a fight. This puts the men off as “it’s like f**king a zombie!” They leave and the girls come together with Manu’s friend cannot believe she let them do whatever they wanted. Manu says it could be worse and argues the case. Later Manu is working at the bar with the bartender who is keen on her. She sees her brother outside being chased by the rough man from earlier plus some friends. They catch him and start landing punches on him. Manu runs out of the bar and tries to pull the men off of him. The bartender gives chase and pulls her away to let the men finish and protect her. That night she is still complaining to him about not being allowed to help her brother. She then gives a hint, and the bartender aggressively asks if she has been raped. She doesn’t reply so he takes that as a yes and asks who did it. They escalate this argument into a full-blown row.
Manu in the same situation as the picture above.
While both the girls are arguing Nadine pins her flat mate to the floor and strangles her. Whilst Manu pulls a gun on the bartender and shoots him dead. Both girls have murder to deal with and they end up bumping into each other. Manu has stolen money and the gun whilst Nadine has drugs and a gun herself from the pimp. They are at a train station when they realise that no trains are coming. Manu suggests they ‘hang out’ together. Nadine desperately wants to keep her promise to deliver the goods on the 13th, so they agree to hang out until then. Manu now has the barman’s car but doesn’t know how to drive. Nadine does the driving. They decide to head to Paris. Nadine says she recognises Manu from Porno’s. Manu just wants to see the sea, but they decide they are going to drink and enjoy themselves up until the police catch up with them. They end up by a beach and do a bit of soul searching before Manu gives Nadine the chance to leave but they decide to get food instead and they hug and realise they are going to be together. Nadine still wants to do the drop so they will combine forces until then at least.
The girls celebrate their spoils with a drink or three.
They book a hotel room and spend the night dancing in their underwear. Here they plan to go on a rampage. They watch a woman taking money from a cash machine, then mug her steal her bag and shoot her in the head before emptying her account. To celebrate they go for a drink and invite two men back to their room where they shag together. They send one guy home and share the other. They pretend to go shopping for bigger and better guns but once they have the guns, they shoot the shop assistant and steal the guns. Next, they are gambling on the slot machines when a guy watches them closely and even pays for them to bet. He ends up back in their room but when he doesn’t want to make whoopy because there isn’t a condom and then cannot get hard enough for them to enjoy. He asks for a BJ instead, so Manu starts but bites it off which leaves him screaming and swearing at the pair of them. Manu beats him up and they then kick him to death (which you don’t get to see). You see the bloody mess they leave behind. They then do some posing with their handguns.
Hey, Why don't we pose with a gun?
One night they get waved off the road by the police. There is a check point where the police are checking each car. The two officers are speaking to a woman when they pull up get out of the car and kill both with their guns. Returning to their car the woman follows saying they will blame me for this you have to take me with you. She gets in the car and takes them back to her place where they can hide out for a while. Her man also helps them out and over a drink they discuss that they must have an escape plan to end it all. They tell the girls about a man who is rich who may have the money that will allow them some options to conclude their travels. They go to his house and knock on the door and ask about social care or something to blag their way into his house. Once in they pull out their guns and force him to open the safe, he tries to talk (or smooth talk) his way out of the situation. They just pin him down and shoot him as well. After they sit in his garden and drink his alcohol and counting their loot.
The rich smooth talker he has enough money but does he have enough words to survive.
In yet another bar, it is all going on in there and I am not talking about drinking. One guy grabs Manu who reacts angrily. The guy points out that you are in a sex bar, and everything is acceptable. Not for our girls as they go on a killing spree shooting all the people in there. Finishing with the guy who kicked this off with a bullet to the back of the head.
You can just see the back of the head that about to have a bullet through it.
They stop at a service station type shop and Manu heads into the shop. Nadine waits in the car, and she hears gunshots from inside. Grabbing her gun, she runs in and kills the man with a gun inside she finds Manu dead on the floor and takes her back to the car. She takes the body to a lake wraps her in a blanket and sets its on fire. Nadine goes and stays in a cabin before heading to the sea where she looks out across the water pulls a gun out and puts it to the side of her head. Before firing she is arrested by the police.
The end.
THAT IS THE PLOT FINISHED HERE'S MY SUMMARY -
If I am honest with this one the name fits it perfectly as this is exactly what I said at the end of this movie. F*** Me what was that all about. It just felt like the director decided to get some porn actresses and put them in a movie knowing that these women would be happy to perform certain acts on film. The story was very shallow, and it just felt like things were shoe-horned in to make everyone in the movie industry say oh no you can’t do this! This is just a case of let’s set this up to do battle with the censors and promote our movie that way. It wasn’t until after watching the movie that I did some research and was slightly surprised to find out that it was directed by two women. They did exactly what I thought as they hired two pornographic actresses to play the leads just so they could hire women to do the scenes they wanted. The only thing they actually did was to take something from the porn industry and put it out in the mainstream arena. Which if they were trying to push women in the film industry then I don’t think they made that message noticeably clear. If they were trying to push a moral compass at the audience then I didn’t get that either. They took women who wanted to fight back so rather than fight back they become what they were fighting against and enjoy it. So, what lessons did I learn from this movie? Well, nothing, if I think about it. They took porn actors and actresses and put them in a movie that they knew would be an issue for censors just for that reason.
As an aside the rape scene that happens early in the film was very harrowing and very unsettling. I felt really uncomfortable watching that scene but the villains from that scene don’t get their punishment or anything you are aware of in this movie. They just drive off and are not seen in the movie again. It was not an easy watch and extremely violent but there was no meaning to it this could have been hinted at and the results could have been treated better. The woman directly affected by this was gone as quickly as the aggressors from the scene. Many of the French extreme movies had me feeling awkward or cringy but this one had me really feeling bad and not wanting to look at the screen. I already said that this isn’t an easy watch but then why add that detail and show it up close and graphic if you don’t see any consequences. If it is just a case of titillation, then it failed for me. The other scenes played out like porn and not very well acted. Which is the striking thing throughout this movie as it was poor all round. If it was porn then it fails, if it is trying to be a horror then it fails even more. If they were going for an action movie with girls in the lead roles, then get women to play the lead roles that can act to play the roles. If you want porn, then go buy porn if you want action then you could pick any other action movie out there and it would be better. If you want horror, then don’t even bother putting this in the DVD player or download option. It just fails to tick any box for me which makes it a failure on all points.
What was the point is probably the ultimate thing for me! I sat there trying to work out what the message this movie was trying to give. What was the aim of creating this? If it was to bring the porn industry into the mainstream, then the whole rape scene puts that out the window. If it’s to promote porn actresses into the mainstream? What this does is highlight the lack of acting ability. If it’s to tell a relevant story they needed a different story as this is shallow at best and played out very poorly. If it’s a case of we have some porno actors and actresses and we want to string some scenes together to make a movie then a half-arsed attempt to do so - is this movie. If it’s to promote women in cinema then it doesn’t work with that either as you should make the main characters likeable, and you don’t cheer for them or laugh with them. All you end up doing is sitting back waiting for the next scene after this one and repeat. Which is mainly due to little connection from one to the next.
It failed to cover its budget at the box office and it was filmed in a way to make it look cheaper (using natural light for example) and low budget. If that was the aim then Bullseye, they achieved what they wanted. It was accused as a vailed porn movie which I can see why critics would say so as it doesn’t tick any boxes anywhere and is poor entertainment at best and really doesn’t interest me to watch again.
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