BAD FILMS REVIEW (VIII)...
2023 has kicked off so let's get back to reviewing Bad movies (Part 8).
Starting the new year I have returned to people recommending the bad movies for me to review and the first up is exactly that. Quickly followed by a movie I waited desperately to be released and then I watched it. Here is the scoring system again for anyone new to it -
· So Bad – Its Fantastic
· So Bad – Its Good
· So Bad – Its Funny
· So Bad – Its Not Worth Your Time
· So Bad – It is Simply that - Bad.
· So Bad – Its Awful
Roadside Romeo (#38)
Released in 2008 this Walt Disney movie is distributed by Walt Disney if you didn’t know. This was written by Jugal Hansraj who also took up the director reigns as well. It was produced by Aditya Chopra and Edited by Arif Ahmed. The production companies were Yash Raj Films and Walt Disney Pictures India. This Walt Disney movie was distributed by Walt Disney Studio Motion Pictures. It is a Walt Disney movie that was released in October 2008 and went on to make $2m worldwide. However, it only made a modest $0.06m in the US and was not very well received by critics. It was one of the first Bollywood animated movies to bridge across the US and India and if you look at critics today they are still divided on this one. Even rotten tomatoes has this Disney movie at 50% and it is at 4.9 out of 10 elsewhere.
The Poster
I will get to what struck me first about this Disney Movie later, but the second thing was how poor the animation was. Even in the opening titles song the dog arms rotate completely the wrong way around. Then I got to thinking maybe its is just me being overly critical of an old movie. Being made in 2008 the world of animation wasn’t as good back then I mean this movie was up against such pants animations as Wall-E, Kung Fu Panda, Horton Hears a Who!, Madagascar 2, and Bolt. Which were all released in 2008 so what can this movie bring in comparison to those Charlatans. Well, let’s break this down shall we and dive into the details and entangling knot that is the story and plot of this Disney Movie.
OK before the plot I will have to add that it was suggested that I watch this movie. I was not told what this movie was or what to expect only that I should watch this movie as it fits the bill compared to the other bad movies I have watched before. That said and I hope that is clear let the plot begin –
THE PLOT
We open with a title card.
It tells me that this is an Indian movie and now I am wandering what I have let myself into this time.
Then there is an animation of clouds and stuff and camera angle pans down to a town/village thing and I see a steam train and a ship on the river but hang on a minute they are playing a tune I recognise. Isn’t that wish upon a star. Well, that’s a bit naughty trying to pretend they are Disney, I can see a lawsuit coming rapidly in their direction.
'Holy shitballs!' this is being played as an actual real life alt Disney movie!! Its an actual real Walt Disney movie. I was shocked and taken aback. This is a legit movie, suddenly my expectation levels went from the sewer to the stars how did I ever miss this Walt Disney movie. To be honest they are now labouring the point as they tell me once again that this is a Walt Disney. I got it already. Oh and again! I am now getting suspicious that they trying to convince the viewer of something. I hope and pray its not that this is in fact a good movie when it isn’t.
If you didn’t know this is a Disney movie. It begins with a musical number… Hang on stop! This is an Indian film as already established but they are singing in English with English subtitles. Huh Why? Oops back to the job at hand we start with a dog laying in a bed with arms that can bend the wrong way for a human let alone for a dog. The obvious agony this poor dog is in doesn’t stop it from launching into a dance and singing number to point out that this dog is called Romeo and he can have all the bitches (female dogs I not being shitty here) he wants and lives in a palace not wanting for anything. So, he sings about it!
Two other points instantly spring to mind.
One -these dogs are standing and dancing like humans, oh and own and drive sports cars apparently.
Two - Another thing to spring to mind. The animation is awful! This looks like a computer game rather than a motion picture ready for a cinema release. They are seriously going to get sued by Walt Disney for taking their money and then producing this. Pretending to be something that you are not is one thing but actually going into meetings getting the cash and then going off to make this is another form of fraud in my book. There must of been some difficult meetings after the end of this movie I can tell you!
OK the song finished and this dog tells you that this isn’t a dream but a memory of how he used to live. His owners have sold up and moved to London to seek their fortune. [Yeah right!?!]
From this -
To This -
OK movie you are not getting me onside here.
Then again who cares there are dogs singing on the TV! Now they are singing in Hindu and English and it appears to be one line in English the next is Hindu. That is why we need the subtitles. The dog is Romeo and he can break the fourth wall to introduce the movie. He tells you about this being his former life but now he is a classy dog living as a bum on the streets of Mumbai. OK pause this I need to go and do some research now. Kin-Ell this is actually a Disney Movie not a fake one trying to fraudulently scrap a profit by lying this is actually a Disney Movie. Wow, for a big corporate company there is no barrel they are ashamed to scrape the bottom of huh?
[Sorry did it again] The dog is talking to us the viewer directly, breaking the fourth wall and having a straight up conversation with the audience about setting up how he got their without the need to animate other scenes we need to just get to this point and we are here. Done as he never speaks to the audience directly ever again.
Moving swiftly on as this movie hasn’t actually started yet.
Living in the slums he goes back to using four legs and struggles for food and water and starts to drink from a dripping hose. When a pack of three dogs and a cat threaten him and he says that he will do a nice hairdo for them if they don’t beat him up. Which he does and they take him as the leader of their gang. Now in charge he decided to set up a hair salon for all the dogs to come and pay bones to make them look fabulous no doubt via another musical number.
That night he meets Laila, on the rooftops who is singing and is a beautiful white female Afghan hound and Romeo falls instantly in love with her. [the dog that was shagging four different bitches at the beginning hears one dog singing and instantly falls in love – yeah right!]. Anyway, she leaves him to fall off the roof and swings down a pole (looks very much like she has done this before) with her arms and then the arms turn back into legs as she walks away on all fours again. Are you dogs or people FFS!!
Romeo has suddenly gone from a pampered pooch to a tough guy hairdresser which in my day would of meant the opposite. Anyway the right hand man of the big boss [[who is called Anna!] and you can make up your own jokes] shows up and demands bones as protection money. Well Romeo shows some balls and sends the dog off with a flea in its ear. Chhainu the henchmen heads back to big boss and tells them that the new Hair Saloon won’t pay so for comic affect he is beaten. Meanwhile the Romeo has followed the wolf henchmen to Anna’s lair. He watches as Charlie Anna’s Angels - three ninja dogs lasso other dogs and hang them up upside down and torture them. Romeo loses his balls again and decides to trick Charlie Anna into believing that they all think he is the greatest and he lets them leave unharmed.
They return home and are nearly captured by the Dog catcher from the city but again they escape the danger. Romeo hears the singing again and has to leave his gang to go find the tease. Sorry I mean Laila. He arrives and professes his love for her, and he will do anything to prove it. Even though he got turned down when he tried to kiss her last time. He asks how he can prove his love for her and being the sneaky bitch that she is, she tells him that she dances at the Midnight Club she will be there tomorrow night just turn up there and dance with me on the stage that night and she will believe him. Setting him up to be killed by Charlie Anna no doubt, because his gang members points out that Anna loves Laila but she doesn’t even want to look at him. So she needs someone to put a wedge between her and the big boss of the underworld. Namely this poor sucker Romeo in the hope that he gets shot of Charlie Anna and leaves her free to date who she wants. [I can see through her thinly vailed plan of destruction and demise of this chump].
Romeo’s balls have grown bigger and he decides he is going to go to the show and dance no matter what. Well Charlie Anna and his gang of killers arrive and wait in the booth for Laila’s performance. She comes on stage and starts singing about come on and touching her lips and things. This gets Charlie-Anna up and dancing and Romeo falling off his chair in the cheap seats.
Laila’s evil plan works perfectly as Romeo takes to the stage and Charlie-Anna is livid. He drags Romeo to his secret hideout to kill him but Romeo convinces this dumbass to let him talk Laila around into being Anna’s girlfriend. Romeo goes off and tells Laila that he loves her and then tells Chhainu (Charlie-Anna henchmen) that he has set up a date with Laila and Charlie for tomorrow night. The gang convince the cat to pretend to be Laila and put Charlie-Anna off and she does such a good job that once again Anna is going to kill Romeo again.
This time Romeo convinces this stupid creature that he is going to convince Laila to be his girlfriend and then goes off to meet Laila on the roof again this time he is going to be honest and tell her the whole story. She promised to snog him and they do but get spotted by Chhainu who shouts up to Romeo and tells him that Charlie-Anna is going to kill him then. Laila is really annoyed that Romeo was only doing all this woo-ing to give her to Charlie-Anna and she leaves him for ever. Finally, Romeo gives up and plans to leave the town. Finally, he has the point and is leaving everything behind. This is too late as Charlie-Anna has arrived to kill Romeo and his gang. The three ninja girl dogs chase the three dogs of his gang. The cat fights Chhainu the henchmen, leaving Romeo to face the final big boss, to the death. [In a kid’s movie]
SPOILER ALERT
Well how the hell is this sticky mess going to come to a conclusion. Simples - The three dogs from Romeo's gang waggle their eye-brows at the ninja's and they stop hostilities and fall in love. The mouse and the cat smash Chhainu in the head with barrel's, leaving the henchmen destroyed and unable to continue the fight. Meanwhile the dog catchers arrive and chase Charlie-Anna around the town until cornered he is hauled off in the back of the van. Feeling guilty Romeo rescues Charlie-Anna and ends up getting caught instead. This time Charlie-Anna rescues Romeo and they all escape with Romeo and Charlie-Anna forming a truce. The world is good once again. Except that Romeo love is lost and he still wants to head out of town and boards a train. As the train leaves Laila arrives and asks to be with him. He is confused but Charlie-Anna confesses to telling Laila everything and she forgives him . For some reason he doesn't jump off the train but stays there waiting for Laila to chase him on the train. Why I don't F*****g know. IT MAKES NO SENSE!! She can't quite catch up but then the pole on the side of the train falls off and they roll off the side of the train together in love. Yeah happy ending time for a dog dance show.
Summary
There is a lot to unbox here as unlike many of the horror movies I review here this is fundamentally a kids movie and its tough to pull it to shreds but I will do my best as this steaming pile of dogs mess deserves it. Which thing to tear into first with the hope of not missing some of the points I have rolling around my head at the moment.
I will do my best to not miss anything but I will kick off with the poor animation. Now my assumption here is that this is an Indian movie that would be one of the first from India probably ever. There is a full heartfelt attempt to bring animation to the big screen here. It just feels like they are going through the motions here. It really does feel like the animation of a computer game more than a movie. I could easily be watching Sims 4 but I am not. I am watching a Walt Disney movie that seems like they stuck together with sticky plasters and a flicker pad. Now its not the worst in terms of quality it is just the little things here and there. Are they dogs humanoid or are they dogs, how do they decide when to be four-leggers or two-leggers. If its two legs then why bother having them as dogs in the first place. The only reason I can see is that the dog catchers for the epic conclusion. That isn't that epic. There are just too many floating oddities in there. The arms going the wrong way, the blurry motion the feet floating above the floor the poorly interacting spatial components. It is far from a deal breaker but it becomes mighty annoying.
I have two more points which may entwine as I type. The ham-fisted characters here is this character boom he/she will take this journey. A journey that is signposted from the outset and you don't really need to put much of an effort to work out how this is going to end. The aggressive evil dog that is scared to use the kill word so he says end so many times its like a freaking broken record. Having three ropes wrapped around would be annoying maybe very painful but to kill would be difficult. Are they different because they are dogs? Who knew! Then again these dogs are walking like humans AND TALKING!!! So its difficult to tell. The story was there ok blatantly obvious but it was there and could easily of been fleshed out but this movie does so in such a ham-fisted way it like watching Chibnall's Doctor Who. 'We are bringing this into the story as it is needed for the story later' Romeo who's been playing the field like a {pun intended} dog in heat. Then meets a girl instantly falls in love and wants to settle down. Turn that around and let him chase her then she chases him to changing his ways. The whole things feels like they had boxes to tick and they were going to tick them. Which did lead neatly into the other point of trying to please two different markets and as a result probably not succeeding in either. The Indian side of things make the story unrounded and plot point to plot point where the American side of things want Disney style and sparkle. Nope failed at both.
I don't know well enough but is there that much English in the Indian language. Yes it is quite possible but it felt one line one language followed by the next line in another. This just confuses the issue and if I am honest it just muddles the movie more and makes it neither one or the other again. It leaves the thing not only looking but now sounding poorly constructed. It just doesn't work. It is good example of the whole movie, all the elements are there and available and clearly available to see but when mixed together it just doesn't bake together. All the parts are there you just can't combine them with any success at all. It makes the whole movie clumsy and lumber some, banging from one issue to the next.
I think that covers everything with the except of the music seeing as this is a musical. Which again is exactly what the American market is looking for - obviously. Well, this movie is a plane crash then the music is the black box recording device. With the burning wreckage around it the box sits unaffected but the rest of the destruction. It is like the oasis island in the middle of a thousand of kilometres of ocean. It is the saviour of this movie. I assume that right now you are thinking - AHA! there is the redemption and your typical mid review switch to amuse when suppressing expectations. Well, no not this time as the music and the songs are probably as equally bad as the rest of the movie. However, there is a little twist here as these particular songs are simply that bad and combined with the poor animation and the ridiculously silly looking dancing dogs you cannot do much but laugh and ultimately that is what this movie is asking for. It is silly but that blasted ‘I’m Romeo’ song just sits in the back of your head on repeat for hours at a time. It can drive one to drink! (I don’t drink). Don’t watch this in the morning as your will be Romeo, Romeo, Romeoooo – ing all day long. If this movie has a redeeming factor then that is it. It is not much of one, but it is one none the less. I think I have to move onto to a genuinely bad movie and return to the horror genre that generates so many.
Its so bad its funny (in very small doses)
Cradle of Fear (#39)
Back in 2001 a movie was birthed into the world of dark shadows and all things evil. A movie that has gathered such comments as – “Death Metal Splatter Masterpiece,” and “A gruesome homage to the cult Amicus anthology Asylum” a 60% score on the tomatoes movie review and all this linked with the British death metal band Cradle of Filth. A movie that I waited for the release of, with baited breathe this could not come out soon enough and an additional story I could tell you about the release – which I will a bit later.
Written, directed, produced, and edited by Alex Chandon there is a bit of a list of producers with Ciska Faulkner, Eddie Kane, Paul Luke, Nico Rilla, and Andy Skivington. It stars Dani Filth, Emily Booth, Eileen Daly, Stuart Laing, and Edmund Dehn. This was peddled around the film festivals and conventions where it wasn’t picked up by a distributor which resulted in this going straight to video. Which means there are no box office figures and there definitely isn’t any released budget figures either. Alex made a reputation for himself as a man that could create a movie on a micro sized budget which he did on more than one occasion. However, this movie was probably his highest reputation, what with the association with the Death Metal Band – Cradle of Filth. With the movie starring lead screamer Dani Filth it also had predominantly the rest of the band (at that time) appearing in cameo’s throughout this movie. Of course the ego that Dani has meant he had to be the lead and be responsible for the most gory of deaths. Shall we move onto the plot?
The Poster
THE PLOT
There are five mini spoilers in here so be warned. Ignore the red bits if you want to.
This is effectively four separate stories linked together (thinly) by the final story which resolve them all apparently. Let’s begin, shall we? We start in a back alley dark and spooky a man makes a tramp throw up [for reals!! so the actor went through this for the benefit of the movie to actually throw up] That is the dedication that you need to be uncredited and no one has heard from you again. So two thugs see the long haired ‘Man’ walk into the alley and throw a cigarette at the back of his head then start beating the crap out of him. All is going well for the two brutes when the man stands up and kills both in graphic and gory ways. Ripping the throat out of the first man and then stamping the head of the other in itty bitty parts. Truly grewsome and boom this movie has started, well it leads onto the credits.
The first of the four stories begins with two girls dead in a bedroom when the police and forensics are doing their thing. The bodies are both very mangled and the girl on the bed is Emily Booth (I will get back to her at some stage in this page) she has little stomach left and a pair of scissors in her right hand. The Dic Inspector walks in sorry I meant a detective walks in and sees the young attractive woman on the bed and takes a pulse. Nope so just straight up gropes her boob. With his eyes closed, he seems to be enjoying this part of the movie. Two other forensics offers whisper behind him. One basically saying what the f*** is he doing and the other saying “oh, it’s just his way!” and even shushes the first guy. He lets go of her boob and we cut back to her being alive and dancing in a club. She makes eye contact with a man across the other side of the club. He is starring at her also. He is long haired short man, very short man with odd coloured eyes trying to look tough. He is tough as we just watched him pull the throat out of one guy and yadda yadda… They get together and head back to her place where drugs and drinks continue they get it on. When they get it on he turns into some beast, vampire spiky spider horrible deformed thing. Next morning he is gone and she assumes it was a bad trip and takes a shower. Sitting in the shower the water runs red with blood and she panics. Heading out into the streets she keeps seeing weird and wonderful faces, a child who says she is carrying her little brother and a mother with a claw tooth thing spinning around in her ear. Weird stuff.
SPOILER ALERT
She heads to her friends from the club and spends the night where the beast from her belly tries to get out and she ain’t taking that shit and gets a pair of scissors and stabs the shit out of her stomach. As the claws and giant spider type legs start to climb out. She doesn’t kill it and the beast with a baby head and giant legs emerges and leaps onto her friend and kills her as well.
The dic goes back to the station and continues to investigate the crimes. This is just an excuse to swear a lots. He gets called into the chief’s office and he says he had a call from the photographer about the groping business. He says its to check they are dead. Then tells a story of a victim who was alive when they shipped them to the morgue and died in fridge so that why he gropes people [yeah mate you keep telling them]. The criminal in that case was Kemper who is now in a mental hospital prison. He cuts himself with a screw (the metal kind not a security guard). Using the blood to put on a coin thing which has a symbol on it which keeps appearing in the stories as some thing thread between them. He puts this in an envelope that he has hidden away and a hook appears on a string which is taken away through the roof. The envelope is opened by ‘the (short) man’ which has a name and an address on it.
He goes to the address and sees two women come out one black haired one blonde. They are planning a robbery from some poor old bloke who tips one of their sisters when they drop the meals on wheels off. They break in but oh no the man is still alive. Meaning they are forced to kill him. But oh no he ain’t dead and comes back again. So they bludgeon him to death a second time with clubs of wood or anything they can get hold of. Then they take a bath together in ‘his’ bath. They had to do this to clear up the blood they shred all their clothes and take his. Leaving the evidence.
SPOILER ALERT
As the blonde is putting on his PJ’s the dark haired Sophie kills her to take all the loot. She heads home with her ill-gotten gains but trips and falls down the stairs and knocks herself out. She wakes up to find the corpse have gone so she runs home only to be killed by the corpse of the old man working in tandem with the blonde woman she just double crossed.
The dic still hasn’t got any further so the swear fest continues. Then he realises that the surnames of the victims are the same as those uses in the Kemper trial he mentioned earlier. He has a nightmare where Kemper is chiselling out his front two teeth. When he is woken by a phone call that he cannot understand. It is ‘the (short) man’ again the call ends so the short one decides to pick on something smaller than him and sacrifices a cat by slicing it up the middle. Then eating and drinking its inners from a silver platter. Nice.
Back at the yard the Dic is back in front of the chief and low and behold the medallions that are appearing at the crime scene’s have Kemper’s finger prints on them. Wow how is that possible when he is in a maximum security mental prison? This leads to more swearing and dropping the c-bomb as well. [Is there no line this movie won’t cross?] Kemper is now locked in a head trap blinding him and his hands and legs are bound as well. More exposition as we more onto the next story.
A man and a woman are driving around in a sports car with no top. The woman is Eileen Daly and the man is Louie Brownsell who I will come back to later. The couple hit a tramp in the street and the woman says nick you have to check. So he gets out the car and sees no dents in the vehicle so drives off leaving the bum to die in the street. They go home and make woopie, where we get to see her boobs and that he is an amputee. He doesn’t have a left leg [can you see where this one is going]. As an ex criminal living in a big expensive house with a trophy wife and a fancy car the only thing he is missing is a left leg. So he goes to a doc who reckons he could fix it but where are you going to get a leg from. He goes back a few years and calls a bum with no next of kin who used to be in the gang of crims from yesteryear. He goes around with a case packed with ice shoots him in the head hacks off his leg and puts it in the case. Give it to the doctor and Voilà he has two legs.
SPOILER ALERT
He now starts having dreams of things that he leg would of seen. The leg starts to have thoughts of its own. Using the accelerator to run over the trophy wife and then crash the car. The police arrive on the scene to find a man stabbing his leg repeatedly shouting it “Won’t die it won’t die!”. The copper throws up and ‘the short man’ turns up [a bit late me thinks] so he kills both the policemen. Scene.
We are now back at the cop shop and they have found a list in Kemper’s cell. He was right everyone killed was on that list. There is just one name remaining its your Dic! They ask the last time he spoke to his son. Two and a half weeks ago. Ooopsie!
His son worked as a reporter in some shoddy company called Free-Surf where he found a website where you can pick a type of injury, where on the body, with what weapon and how badly injured. Then you click go and watch that happen to someone in real life. Holy Shit Balls! Over time he gets addicted to it but is kicked off the site so becomes obsessed with finding a way back on. He beats the crap out of his girlfriend after a night out and continues to try and track the site back down again. He finally gets back onto the site at work and joins for himself this time, just as he hits send he is sacked from his job. Having to find another way into the site he tries again on his laptop at home. Gets back in and starts spending thousands of pounds to do various different things to the victims. Then he gets kicked off again and access is denied. The bailiffs show up and take everything he owns bar the house. Oh and then the house. He is forced into an internet café [youngsters reading this go look it up] still no joy and he is now living on the streets.
SPOILER ALERT
From the internet café he gets an email sent out and gets an actual address returned to him. He goes to the address and finds a cottage in a dark lane unlit which he enters finding a dwarf. He asked the little man about the website. The dwarf says he knows about it and says about these foreign people with cables and stuff out the back. He asks the dwarf to show him. He points him to a room and he walks in looking for the light switch the door slams behind him and the lights snap on he is in the killing room. Death is coming.
The conclusion to the movie begins with ‘the short man’ breaking into the high security prison. The dic has taken a gun and heading to the same facility to kill Kemper himself. He arrives to ‘interview’ Kemper. Pointing the gun at the doctor he forces her to take him to Kemper’s cell.
SPOILER ALERT
To avenge the death of his son he forces the doctor to give him access to Kemper’s cell. Once inside he points the gun at Kemper. He laughs and says you must of heard about your boy. So the dic shots him in the knee forcing him to sit down. They exchange conversation whilst the dic is shotting various parts of Kemper’s body. Security burst in dressed in padded gear and metal helmets with wired masks. That stop the dic and grab Kemper. Leaving one security guard at the back of the room but low and behold it’s ‘the short man’ who brutally kills the female doctor locks the cell and then kills all the other security guards as well. Setting Kemper free its revealed that ‘the short man’ is in fact Kemper’s son. They celebrate the victory but the dic isn’t dead and the pistol that just nicked Kemper three times blows ‘the short man’s head clean off – from just above the lip. He collapsed on the floor. The dic stands and shoots Kemper with the same gun but he doesn’t explode just falls to his death. The dic has to check he is really dead so just takes a pulse rather than groping him! Finally he says “yes, its over.” But it isn’t as the headless ‘the short man’ stands saying that the evil has just began and kills the dic in the cell. The end.
Summary
Well, that is two hours of boys being allowed to make films all by themselves. This is clearly some boys sitting around in a darkened room drunk or drugged up and one goes hey once we finish making that music video you hired me for you know what we should do? What, we should make a movie and we’ll put you boys in it. I have an idea or three for movies that I want to make. Low and behold they put all the ideas into a movie and the lead singer of the group said as long as I can be the tough guy that’s evil and satanic then I’m in. Yeah, the drunken roar could be heard around the county. It came to pass.
I feel a bit of a confession coming here as I was a fan of Cradle of Filth and knew members of the touring support team and got to meet some of the band. Back in the days I was in ore of the band. They were badass and didn’t take any crap. OK you couldn’t understand a freaking word they are singing but hey it was all theatrical and all was good. On a night out I bumped into Eileen Daly who was presenting the Bravo channel weekly horror movie show. Which name escapes me so I mentioned to her that she had appeared in the music video with CoF and she said they have a movie coming together with the band and British low budget horror movie director. From that second onward I waited with bated breath for this movie to come together. I am not sure exactly what I was expecting but I think my mind ran in overtime as I was expecting the greatest horror movie ever. Well, I didn’t get it, I got an anthology movie with different stories pinned together with a loose thread that really didn’t work for me back then. I have said on here many times. A great movie, gore doth not make. This was boys making a movie and desperately trying to push the boundaries and repulse the viewer and push that extreme line. As we saw on part two of these reviews without a decent plot it all gets a bit one dimensional. This is one dimensional and poor.
The story is the weak point really and the acting isn’t the greatest but it is not as bad or wooden as many of those movies shown on here. Yes it’s a boys gore movie with blood, creatures, boobs, gore, swearing, bravado, and sex. It ticks all those boxes you would expect form a late teen dreaming up a movie that his parents wouldn’t want to see. Well, I’ve grown up now and coming back to this table. If I being honest here I hated this movie after the very first watch and I have mellowed a bit since and I am thinking it is actually better than I remember it.
I said I would come back to some of the actors in this movie and I will start with Eileen Daly who I met in a pub in Sarf London which was a bit of a shock and we have a brief conversation and I’ve loved her stuff ever since. Now, most of it is poor she is in one of my favourite movies. She has appeared on Britain’s got talents and did get through a few rounds (apparently as I wasn’t watching that one) but she keeps appearing on my radar and although most people would use the term rubbish or poor there is something about her that just makes me warm to her. Nutty as squirrel poop, aside.
Then there is Emily Booth who is in this and a few other movies that I also love. She is someone that I love and checking over my shoulder for the wife if she asked me I would run away with her. She is beautiful and I think my younger self fell in love with her in other movies and then she gets her kit off in this movie and I was transfixed. If she wasn’t in this movie, I would score it even lower than I did.
Finally Dani Filth the lead singer of Cradle of Filth which is a subject I could write a whole new page about so I won’t do that here. Knowing people that has worked with him but having never met him it is possibly unfair to make judgement that I have. Namely that he is an arse. A self-centred egotistic person that thinks only of him. That said this movie seems to fit his ego to perfection at that time. Post movie he also came out and I remember watching an interview with him laughing about how annoyed the director was with the sensors for not cutting this movie to bits. He made it sound like the director was just upset that the movie wasn’t extreme enough and laughed about it. He got paid I assume and was the main character whilst the rest of the band had cameo’s here and there which with some you could blink and miss them. I will explain the whole sensor thing next.
Alex Chandon director writer and pretty much everything else to do with this movie had found a loophole where he could take pre-orders across Europe for this movie meaning it could be released without the cuts that the BBFC were obviously going to do. Months and months rolled by and then the movie was posted out to all these pre-order suckers that paid much higher than the expected recommended retail price. Then within a month the BBFC approved the movie without requiring a single cut and the price of the identical movie was suddenly a snip compared to what these others had already told. that was given such quotes. The director was really not happy about that and wanted the underhand market to profit from which was taken away as his movie wasn’t as gory as he expected it to be received whoops.
In conclusion I liked this movie for two reasons and both are Emily Booth, will I keep my copy of the movie maybe not as it may not be worth the bother but I hated this movie on first watch I have mellowed a lot over the plot and the computer graphics which was poor and obvious but was good for the time and the budget and maybe I was a bit overly critical but its my subconscious that made the decision that I still don’t like this movie and I cannot recommend this movie to watch.
Its so bad its simply that... Bad!
Next Movie (#40)
Work in Progress
The Poster
**POSTER PIC**
Movie introduction
THE PLOT
The movie plot (if there is one).
SPOILER ALERT
The movie conclusion
Summary
My thoughts will follow
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