BAD FILMS REVIEW... (Part 6)

This is how it should be going forward after the detour of parts two and three with part four returning to the norm with movies that I stumble onto or have been recommended to me. The first two on here (the one's nearer the bottom of the page) were requested to me to review from people who thought they were bad enough for me to check out. I will be the judge as I think I have a sympathetic eye compared to many out there and will give a movie a chance. With #24 loaned to me to watch and #23 suggested a while back but has been a struggle to source.

· So Bad – Its Fantastic

· So Bad – Its Good

· So Bad – Its Funny

· So Bad – Its Not Worth Your Time

· So Bad – It is Simply that - Bad.

· So Bad – Its Awful

Howl (#31)

Not so long ago there was a horror movie released in London in 2015. With a modest budget of a million pound this movie was released to make back less than 40% of that at the box-office. I wanted to have a look at this movie to see if you include a fifth word that may never be in the same sentence as these four: Low Budget, British, and Horror. The potential other word could be Great, Good, Alright, Bad or Awful. Shall we delve into this movie then shall we. Appearing in this movie is an actor that starred in one of my favourite werewolf movies in the shape of Sean Pertwee who was in Dog Soldiers. This is no Dog Soldiers [I thought I would throw that in very early!]. For the British readers you may recognise some of the actors names from this movie. Starring Ed Speleers and Holly Weston, along with Sean Pertwee, Shauna MacDonald, Elliot Cowan, Rosie Day, Calvin Dean, Duncan Preston, and Ross Mullan. Directed by Paul Hyett who had directed The Seasoning House before this movie then following this film The Convent and then Peripheral. Nope I haven’t heard of them either. Written by Mark Huckerby and Nick Ostler and set on a train leaving London late at night heading through the woods on the outskirts. I should start as always with the poster:

Before moving onto the plot, I stumbled onto this movie via the horror channel and despite having some technical issues when watching with jumps and scenes repeating themselves became very annoying which may not have helped with me liking the movie. All things considered I will move onto the plot.

THE PLOT

We begin with a guard at station concluding his shift and planning on heading home. He is told by a colleague that he didn’t get the supervisor promotion that he had interviewed for. The man telling him got the job and he then enjoys telling him that he has to do a double shift and guard the redeye train out of London. The train leaves and we meet many and different characters on the train. A single large football fan eating a kebab and drunk on his way home. A confident businessman on his way home to wife and family in the country, after staying in his London flat for the working week. The elderly couple. The single mum struggling up the corporate ladder. Indian geek. The arrogant girl who is busy on her phone and singing along to it on the quiet section of the train. A young man looking like trouble. The hostess with her food trolly, the driver, and not forgetting our guard that we mentioned before.

I will not be giving the plot away on this one as there isn’t much of one. The train hits a deer which brings it to a standstill as a fuel line is cut. The driver climbs out in the middle of the woodlands full of fog and spooky atmosphere. Whilst investigating the driver walks into a whole heap of trouble as there are some unpleasant characters lurking around the woods. He doesn’t return and the guard is unwillingly thrust into the head of the group that are rightly annoyed passengers because they find out that they have a four hour wait for a rescue. While they sit down and wait for the night to pass the train comes under attack from the things in the woods.

Picking off characters that are left alone from the main group, this movie rolls along with the group deciding various different tactics to firstly keep everyone safe. Then barricade themselves in and then being forced to do something about the situation. Namely fixing the train themselves and taking themselves out of the mess they are in.

This movie is about the character mix and challenges of each other in a desperate situation they find themselves in. They clash with each other and the mood swings between liking then hating each other as they rub off on each other in a desperate situation.

SPOILER ALERT

The train is surrounded by a pack of Werewolves who finds way breaking into the train and pick off each victim one at a time. Meanwhile the victims within the train are turning on each other and who were once friends are starting to betray each other. The group work out a way to escape but have the pack worked a way of preventing the escape? Not many are left alive by the conclusion.

Summary

The movie is surprisingly atmospheric and spooky at the beginning when setting things up for what is to follow. The characters are a bit one dimensional as they come from their point of view and that’s it. You soon realise who is a dick and who you are supposed to be cheering for. A little test that I used to do to check on the plot, put in the situation that they are in would you do or would you expect someone like that personality would do in that situation. Based on that this movie does work, no one does something weird or even out of character. You see the heroes changing and becoming stronger both physically but more so in their will as the story goes on.

So far it sounds like I will be about to say that this is a great movie and quite frankly that is not the truth. This is a surprisingly good film; however, it is far from a great movie. The fact is, that we are duty bound to believe that this story is about a pack of werewolves living in a wood inside London and no one has noticed. Not noticed people disappearing or going missing from the woods, yet a pack of hungry werewolves come out every full moon and feast. Yet no one notices and, on this occasion, they are munching their way through a train load of meals. I am not aware of much woodland within London and if so, it wouldn’t be that long or that wide and civilisation isn’t that far away. The film depicts these poor people stranded and without mobile phone connection. Yet the girl was talking on it just before the train came to a halt. These creatures haven’t created any suspicion of their existence. The old guy remembers a train wreck from the sixties when people vanished from a train wreck.

OK so if you can move beyond the fact that they exist and are there. Then you have to believe that these things are strong enough to smash their way onto the train at will yet have decided that will pick and choose when they come in and grab someone. Trust me they are some tough son of bitches and can take so much abuse and harm but still get up and keep coming after you. Why not just come on in and take your fill. You don’t need to wait, just come on in and eat the lot. Yes it would make a boring movie that would be all over and done within minutes.

I mentioned the characters are one dimensional and that is very true. They are what they are and that is it. What you expect from each one is exactly what you get. The friction between them is always going to happen but when you get people turning on each other and leaving them for dead just doesn’t feel like someone with a stranger. I guess this could be down to fear that desperate people may do.

All that said, I assume the question you are finally getting to is – Is this any good? And should I waste my time by watching it? Well, put your surprise gene’s on red-alert as the answer to this is yes and yes you should give it a go. It is not a great movie as previously stated but its not a bad movie. If like me you go at this with a ‘this is going to be bad’ attitude you will be genuinely shocked at what a nice little horror flick this is. It is a horror movie so do not expect a love filled movie of happiness and joy as this is not will be what you get. If you want to step outside the real world for 88 minutes of your life then this has a lot going for it. There are a lot worse movies out there and this might actually entertain you. Yes there are plenty of movies better than this one, hell there are a heap of horror movies miles better than this one but there is something about this one that has something that I just like. There I said it!

Its so bad that it is actually pretty good.

Cruel Jaws (#30)

Ok to my American friends I dedicate this review to you, as you cannot get to watch this movie for free like I can so this is the best I can do for you. Released in 1995 that went straight to video or DVD, and you can see why. In keeping with the opening movie in this section this is an Italian movie, directed by Bruno Mattei but using the name William Snyder. Filmed and set in Florida this was written by Robert Feen, Linda Morrison, and Bruno Mattei as well. Produced by John Kent that is with a ‘K’ it stars David Luther, George Barnes Junior, Scott Silveria, Kristen Urso, Richard Dew, and Sky Palma. I will get to the cast a bit later. The movie had such a low budget that they were forced to steal clips from all four Jaws movies along with Deep Blood and Great White which they gave no credit to either (well, its just cheaper that way). It was the same when they use the Star Wars theme in one particular scene which if you don’t tell them and deny all knowledge should someone ask. See this is going to be a much cheaper movie than we ever thought of. I have no idea what finance this movie did so I will just move along and get the high-octane plot that ‘Cruel Jaws’ offers.

THE PLOT - Obviously there are spoilers here as I tell the WHOLE DAMN STORY!

The movie begins on a boat [good place to start I guess] where scuba divers discuss a boat at the bottom of the ocean that used to be a navy vessel and its full of Navy Material that they can take and sell for a massive profit. [I am sure the Navy hadn’t thought of that themselves]. The three divers go down into the ocean to find the boat. Whilst down there a nasty scheming shark gets them trapped in a cave after chasing them in and causing a rockfall to trap them in. They cause an explosion themselves to clear a gap to escape from. The explosion attracts the shark that come over and eats them. The man left on the boat wonders what the explosion was but that doesn’t matter as the shark kills him as well.

In Hampton Bay Dag Soerensen’s aquarium is going to be shut down because the rich nob Samuel Lewis. It is now that I will get to the cast. First there is Dag who I lovingly call Hulk Hogan. I guess he was supposed to be the Quint character? He fails.

Hulkamania is alive and well.

Then there is Billy. Who announces he is off on the Cutty Shark a boat for fish freaks. From now on I will call this poor excuse for Hooper (or just Excuse). Who is a rip off Hooper but younger and dating Vanessa who come and meet Hulks daughter Susy who is in a wheelchair and look really sad when they meet her. Patronising dicks.

Excuse (that's his new name)

Then there is Bob Soerensen who will be called Son of Hulk or Hulkson. Who is basically in the movie to be leverage for the bad guys to bully and help manipulate Hulk.

Hulkson

This is Vanessa who is all smiles whilst Hulk’s daughter is playing with the Dolphins then sad as she is in a wheelchair. What shall we call her? She overacts a lot but I think her name should be Lolita.

Lolita

It is this early on when there is an awkward pause before the boys get their cue to start walking and talking and they meet the police officer who is delivering the news that they 30 days to get out.

And cue... cue... CUE!!

Meanwhile on the beach we meet, Glenda who is fooling around with Ronnie Lewis the son of the bad guy. Boo hiss.

Glenda and Ronnie running... weeee what fun this cats have!

They run over the scuba diver victim that has somehow wound up halfway up the beach. There is another great scene here when the cop asks everyone to move away from the body and they just circle around to get a better view.

Oh there is a body there on the floor.

The shite Brody Impersonator that they call Francis I will now call Frank (Drebin) from now on. Thinks it’s a boating propeller accident. I don’t know where he gets these ideas from. He asks Excuse to come to the beach and investigate the victim. He says its not a boat but a shark but he cannot be sure until they do an autopsy.

The new Frank Drebin.

The autopsy proves it was a shark attack and not only that but Excuse know why breed of shark had to have made those wounds as it can be only one type. And that type of shark is…

The Tiger Shark!!

[OK being the sad and lonely individual that I am, I can tell you that nearly every shot of a shark in this movie is not a Tiger. In fact they actually bothered to build anything shark like in this movie they based it on a Great White and not a shark at all in any of the live action shots stolen from other movies. NOT one Tiger shark but hey they are going to run with it anyway!]

And I think, well I hope this is the last of the cast that I will mention in any detail as this is the villain of the piece Samuel Lewis.

Mayor Sweaty Under Boob!

Who I will call from now on Mayor Sweaty Under Boob. As after Excuse and Frank turn up saying that there has been a shark attack and we have to close the beaches and cancel the regatta (a surfing regatta by the way)(sorry I will be clearer again as it’s a windsurfing regatta) which Sam is having none of it and he forces the coroner to change his report to say boating accident. Meanwhile his daughter or Ronnie’s sister is hitting on Hulkson, this makes Ronnie angry.

Later that evening we get to see why I call him Mayor Boob Sweat as the camera doesn’t help him with a a close up then a full standing up under boob sweat shot. Thanks director.

Guilty as charged.

He speaks to his son about being asked to cancel the regatta and Ronnie assumes its Hulk Hogan due to the eviction notice and he is out for revenge. He convinces his dad that Hulkson is chasing his daughter which convinces dad to get angry and then he says Ronnie will take care of Hulkson. Meanwhile there is a complete rip-off of the opening of Jaws with stolen footage and the first shot of a Great White. As a couple goes swimming and the girl gets eaten. This is made with more blatant stolen footage. They slap on the blue filter to pretend it’s night-time as Hulkson and Sweaty daughter have a romantic stroll on the beach. Which highlights just how bad these two are at acting, it’s like a fence (two planks just walking side by side). They finally embrace just as Ronnie shows up to break them up. [I think Ronnie deserves a name of his own. If you are a rock fan then you will know that his hair style deserves recognition and I am going to call him Winger (just click on images on google and type it in yourself!]

Anyway, Winger breaks it up and gives Sweaty’s Daughter a slap and she runs off before the three bullies beat up Hulkson and then break into the aquarium. Inject rat poison into fish and try to feed it to the Dolphins. Who are having none of it, the next morning a vet and Excuse team up with the gang and rescue the dolphin.

Later Excuse is studying sharks by looking at photo’s on a slideshow of sharks. When Frank gives him a jump scare and he then explains that Sharks basically only know how to swim, eat, and make baby sharks. Not sure where he got those lines from. There is two ways to get rid of them kill them or starve them. Cue happy jolly music then shots of the Dolphin that nearly died last night doing a show. Then sweaty turns up at the aquarium with his plans for the hotel he is going to build where the aquarium is. The scene is just there so sweaty gets knocked into the pool by a sealion.

Frank and Sweaty go to the mayor and argue before the mayor agrees that they should put up shark nets and go ahead with the regatta. Excuse’s girlfriends dumps him as he wants to saves lives rather than got to the party or have rumpy pumpy. So, she goes off to the party meets Winger who tries to get it on. Ditching his own girl in the process so his mate can have a try. Sleezy bunch hey! Lolita leaves with Winger to head to the beach and by the time Excuse turns up they are long gone. Meanwhile Hulkson and Sweaty daughter and falling in love and planning to run away together. When Winger and Lolita arrive at the beach, she runs in for a swim and Winger eventually follows. Cut to more shots of great whites in the water. A buoy pops up and follows them as they run in. They cut to the worst rubber shark ever with the buoy’s rope in its mouth. Why it would keep this in its mouth I don’t know. See –

The shark doesn't swim it goes like a torpedo.

They show a clip of a mako shark [don’t ask!] then they show clips of people shooting at a Great White as a small dog is running up and down the shoreline desperately trying to get eaten just to get itself out of this shitty movie. A family turns up on the beach just to see the shark they heard about. They capture a tiger shark so just like another movie I’ve heard of Sweaty boob makes them take lots of pictures just to share with news outlet. Cue Excuse say the lines –

“I'm not saying it isn’t him, it probably is. They are very veracious and very rare for these waters, but the fact of the matter is Dag (Hulk to you!) this jaw span just doesn’t convince me!” They are not convinced, and he replies with

“You want to be sure Mayor, you want to be sure Mr Lewis then all you have to do is open him up and see what is in his stomach,”

Sweaty Boob’s replies with – “Don’t talk rubbish boy, this is not the place nor the time,” [and thus missing yet another opportunity to rip off the movies they have already ripped off!]

Not stolen from Jaws

Later the regatta is getting ready as the windsurfing boards are getting ready and the race begins. Its one of the dull races ever. Even the rapid cuts and shots not dwelling on the images it still is dull. These two are racing and not stood on the beach pretending at all.

There not on a beach they are racing on the ocean... Honestly!

Hulk looks through binoculars and shouts badly that everyone should get out of the water quick. The Buoy is still in its mouth. [I’ve heard of slow digestion but days to chew a rope when them teeth is saying something]

[Ok lets go through this shot again shall we?] [Side-note: based on a Great White as well NOT a tiger]

All hell breaks loose and Lolita falls in along with Hulks daughter. She pushes Hulks daughter out of the water and then pretends to get sucked under. You can see she has done this herself. She is still swimming when they cut to the hospital the young girl is recovering from shock and asks how Lolita is and Hulk tells her that she’s fine and waiting at home. The nurse stops Hulk from getting in the lift with his daughter and it closes saying main elevator. It’s a public one so why can’t he get in it? Oh because the villain has just arrived but no Excuse is angry because Lolita is dead because of him and they demand that he offers a $100,000 reward for its head. You see everyone knows that you went ahead with the regatta despite the warnings.

Here's the plan shoot the red triangles it will kill it... simple!

The good news at the pre-attack hearing is that the shark has two zones that if you hit you can kill it. The two red triangles above, see hit it there and you are done. The heavy boys from New York arrive smoking cigars and putting the heat on Sweaty as it was his idea to go ahead. This is due to them investing in real-estate locally and if this shark isn’t gone ‘NOW!’ then house prices fall it will be his fault and they will take care of business themselves. Winger and his gang grab shotguns and go looking to kill the shark with shotguns. Meanwhile Hulk, Excuse, and Hulkson go out on their boat its at this point they play the Star Wars music. They do a homage to Jaws here with a conversation about fancy equipment that Excuse has onboard.

Winger’s team spot the shark and start shooting. This pisses the shark off and rams the bottom of the boat. [Well, when I say ram. He kind of bounces off the bottom]

The torpedo... oh sorry the Tiger Shark!

This stops the boat from moving as the shark is using his back to stop the propeller. They dangle meat over the edge so the shark comes out so Winger can shoot it. He misses and is knocked into the ocean and is eaten as they show a clip from Jaws.

The leg from the paddle boater in Jaws, sorry I mean Wingers Leg!

For some reason the girl pours gas (American Version) everywhere as they pull out a flare gun to shoot the shark. Jaws leaps out of the water.

Jaws pops out the water. Sorry the tiger shark leaps from the water.

The girl panics and pour gas on the flare gun and BOOM! the boat explodes in a scene stolen from Jaws 2.

The boat explosion in Jaws 2, I mean the rival's boat.

Frank is told about the boat exploding there being no survivors, how does he get this information so quickly? Meanwhile Hulkamania is beginning as his boat has broken down and his son dives in to free the rudder. Hulk panics, but Hulkson gets back and spots the Cleveland (the Navy Boat at the beginning of the movie). A helicopter lifeguard appears and tells them to return to port and stop hunting the shark. The shark hunting will be done by Frank Drebin in a helicopter with binoculars and a shotgun. Spotting the shark almost instantly he lowers a lump of meat on a hook over the side of the chopper and winches it down. The quote here is ‘that they need a bigger helicopter!’ [I shit you not!]. The shark bites the meat and drags the helicopter towards the water so Frank pulls out a plastic gun to shoot it. Fails they get pulled into the water and eaten. Not a plastic gun look at the sights on the weapon below:

He just shouts bang as the gun can't do it for him.

The heavies return for sweaty and Sweaty daughter goes to leave gets slapped and sent to her room. The heavies are taking over running things and will take care of the shark and the aquarium. Later the crew is back looking at maps when Excuse tells the boys that the Cleveland Navy boat was carrying a Top Secret Navy experiment of a shark that had superpowers it was super designed killing machine. How does Excuse know these details of Navy [again – Don’t ask such things!]. He also believes that the Cleveland is its home and the area around it is the hunting ground. Lets blow it up and he will come running. Meanwhile sweaty daughter has climbed out the window and warned the ‘gang’ about the two mobsters. They leave immediately and head back to the aquarium, so the mobster head into the lab where they were and see the map. Taking it saying that this is some heavy stuff. The gang arrive at the aquarium and so do the mobsters [they must of teleported]. They beat up the ‘gang’ trash the boats engine and then head out to see in very tight shorts… [one way of scaring the shark I guess]

Wow, check out the junk!

Shotgun and gas cannister how do they come up with these idea’s?

The keystone mobsters scuba dive into the wreck of the Cleveland when a great white arrives along with some bad visual effects they are both eaten.

Do I have something stuck in my teeth? Yes a scuba diver my friend!

The gang head out with the star wars theme again after sweaty daughter and Hulkson remind us all how wooden acting is done. They get to the site dive to the wreck, as seagull scares Hulk and they spot an Angel shark with is still not a Tiger Shark. Then a ray and an octopus wow they seen everything down here except the star of the show. The Great White Tiger Shark. They tie all the charges to the same poll why not spread it about a bit. Nah they just keep shoving them in. Hulk takes five with a diet coke then the shark turns up he fires at the shark and the two divers just turn up on the boat without noticing. Hulkson just jumps back in to save Excuse who is still on the boat. The shark has him trapped in the boat whilst Hulk takes shots at the shark on the surface. [Again, don’t ask how the shark is in two places at the same time] They all escape just in time and kill the shark at the same time as well. Cut to the dolphins and seals performing in the aquarium and sweaty boob man clapping as well, looking unhappy and getting knocking into the pool by the sealions again. Everyone laughs and the scooby doo ending is done.

That's it we are all done for the plot

Summary

The balls of this production is amazing, they not only used footage for at least 6 other movies they even had the balls to advertise and sell this movie as Jaws 5. Honestly don’t believe me have a look at this movie cover.

The acting is terrible and the story is horrendous my advise to anyone is you are safer in your own mental health not watching this movie that actually giving it a go. The actin is poor but the stand out performances for the most plank like goes to Hulkson and Sweaty’s daughter. Here they are together.

The special effects are terrible but I am guessing they are the ones that they actually made as opposed to those they stole. The parts they stole are the best thing in this poop-stew of a flick. There is a lot that I recognised so I wonder what else they stole. This is a bad movie in all possible aspects the story is pish with plot holes throughout, you spend the whole movie going huh? How’d they know that or get there that quickly, the pacing and the reaction of the actors is just poor and the acting itself is shocking.

I deliberately left the plot run long this time as I wanted to share all the crap for what it is. Give the story all the rope it needs to hang itself this way I don’t need to do much summary as it doesn’t need my effort.

Cruel Jaws -

It's so bad... its Awful!

The Bunny Game (#29)

My apologies as I have another extreme movie for you. This and the previous (Salò) had been suggested to me by an unusual source who apparently is regretting the suggestion now. This one is a bit different from the others as this is in English and is an American movie and we already established they can't really do extreme movies can they. They see them and go oh we will remake that, just a lot worse, much more tame with a happy ending. That will improve it. Well, nope it doesn't normally. This is a unique story written by Rodleen Getsic and Adam Rehmeier. It was directed by Adam Rehmeier who also did the cinematography and edited by Adam also. It stars Rodleen Getsic who apparently wrote and appeared in this movie to help come to terms with her own trauma. I am not sure how that works but I am no psychologist so I won't even try to answer that. The movie was filmed over a fortnight and cost $13,000 and please note no 'k' or 'm' on the end of that number. It won awards for Cinematography, editing and overall individual performance. It was banned in the UK and was voted as one of the most disturbing movies ever. Released in 2011 this movie has been hidden from my attention for many years as it was banned here in the UK. That said I have a copy so lets give it a watch? Oh and this will please you as I think this is going to be the shortest plot write up ever. I guess I've reached the point where I should be giving this movie a watch then writing the usual below then... shall we?

Here's the poster:

THE PLOT - If you want to skip this just scroll to the next red section to see my summary. It won't be that far down there.

We join a prostitute who shows that she is addicted to drugs and is later picked up by an old truck driver.

He captures and in a series of flash backs we work out that he is a serial killer as you get to watch him torture her and some other girl.

This continues for five days [and if I watch him bounce that knife off the inside of the truck one more time it will turn me into something aggressive myself]. he drugs her and tortures her, forces her to walk around the desert then kills her. Oops sorry spoiler alert! I forgot to warn you about that.

The plot is over & its safe to read on.

Summary

When asked to review a movie I would normally give the film an issue watch and just watch it as you would as normal. Then go back for a second viewing armed with a pen and paper to make notes. As I start this summary the second viewing hasn’t happened. If I am honest, I am not convinced I want to go back and watch this one again. It is not because of the grossness of the movie but more to do with the seventy-six minutes of the same thing over and over again. On the first watch I was bored. Once you have seen something you have seen it you don’t need to see it again and then cut somewhere else and then back to watch it again. I reckon the movie could be 20 to 30 minutes long with the same clips played over and over again. It just goes on and one.

One of my initial views of this movie was that two women that were into S&M one of which is in a relationship with the direct says “Hey, why don’t you make a film where you can get this done or that and film it,” We could make a fortune out of it!”. They film it then realise they do not have much on film and worse still they don’t really have a story to follow. Most horrors have a story or a plot and a twist or a happy ending. This could be described as a snuff movie as you watch someone taking pleasure from another and then killing them. Which is not pleasant and equally not easy to watch either. I assume there are porn movies that if you are into that sort of thing, you could obtain somewhere. This feels like a movie that they wanted to bridge the gap between the two worlds of porn and horror. They went with the arty feel of making it black and white (or was that a cheaper option) but they just ran with it. Now it is very possible that my movie snobbery has kicked in here as I am getting increasingly frustrated with American movies as they steal (or buy) quality movies from elsewhere remake it in American English and turn a great thing into a mush. I could mention The ring being a bit of an exception, but I could give you a list right now, which I am fighting to resist from doing.

This is a movie that is designed for people to be shocked at to create a buzz and generate publicity and money that way. For me you can do that and make a good yet cheap movie. This ticks some of those requirements but for me I watch a movie to be told a story. Even Salò below has a story to tell. If provokes conversation as well as disgust. This film is trying to shock you and it does. 100% ticked that box well done, the struggle comes when you hit the question – So what? I question I asked myself everyday when in a sales role. Every statement needed a reason and a why. When I ask that of this movie I cannot see the why, beyond the shock value. For a movie just 16 minutes over an hour, the first time watching I was bored. However, I still have to go back and give this a proper watch again. There were some issues with the disk I have where there was jumps maybe I missed important plot points but I fear that I didn’t. I will give this another watch tonight and then see if my opinions change.

I have a confession to make, I watched the movie again and I did exactly the same last night as I did the first time watching this movie. I fell asleep. I woke and went back to ensure I didn’t miss anything and no the movie didn’t improve on me. I cannot recommend this movie at all. It is extreme but there isn’t a story here there is a twist with *SPOILER ALERT* a small white van arrives and takes the victim away. That aside the plot is so short because nothing happens there is an old, bearded guy terrifying a girl who can’t do anything about it. This continues for about an hour, yes, the scenes are genuine and what you see on screen is actually happening which again just makes me think she was into that type of thing and basically agreed to be filmed. Or maybe she got off on being filmed. I don’t know and yes there are interviews and more research I could do but I am really not that interested. It does feel like the reputation of this movie is that it is a case of you watch it and get the badge and move on. It really doesn’t go beyond that for me. For me do you need the badge? Nah you don’t there is nothing here to see really. I’ve seen it, does that mean I get to wear the badge and then never bother with this again. I have spoken to my horror freak buddies and they found this boring and as I said I’ve seen it twice and fell asleep twice. If you are reading this to make up your own mind as to whether to watch it or not, then I say not.

It did nothing for me, it didn’t move me which maybe because I knew the story and it does nothing more than that. It could be that I knew what happens to the girl, so I didn’t want to become attached to her or care for her. She doesn’t come across as a nice person to start with so why would you have sympathy for her? Because nasty horrible things happen to her which you naturally feel for her but that is it. There isn’t a feeling of desperation and nearly escaping which the likes of Stephen King’s Misery or something similar you really feel for the victim. You really want them to succeed, to escape, to survive your heart goes out to them when that escape plan fails. You royally feel for them, your heart bleeds for them, you desperately want them to do well, this movie doesn’t do that well not for me I didn’t care about anyone on the screen. I was just glad it was over.

It's simply that... BAD!

Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom (#28)

I did mention on my previous review I said I thought I have found a rich vein of bad movies which I could get my teeth into and trust me I will get back to them at some stage. I have for this movie returned to a former seam. This has come into my attention from the same French Extreme Movies point of view. This movie has all the hallmarks as those as well. Made way back in 1975, it was released a further year later in its native Italy. It is just shy of two hours long with a host of scene’s cut out of the final film. With what was left in you could guess what was cut out. The film has equal critics who hated it and those that love it. It explores some themes including political, corruption, authoritarianism, morality, Capitalism, Totalitarianism, Sadism, Sexuality, fascism, and corruption. With others that I haven’t mentioned. Directing his last movie was Pier Paolo Pasolini who certainly created something about which you could talk. The music was by the legend that is Ennio Morricone and produced by Alberto Grimaldi. It is welcome in the extreme movie category although not French it is definitely up there with one of the most extreme movies I’ve seen. What that looks like will be covered in plot. Which I will get there straight away.

The poster -

THE PLOT - If you want to skip this just scroll to the next red section to see my summary.

This whole section is a SPOILER!!!

Set in the town of Salò, see there is some logic here. It is set just before the second world war and begins with the four leaders of the town. The Duke, The Bishop, The Magistrate and The President. They bind themselves together by not only signing a contract but by marrying each other’s daughters. [Not exactly sure how this is going to work to bind each other to loyalty but hey that is how it begins]. They are brought in by soldiers who spit in one of their faces, she fights back, and they tell here that they are just following orders and push them into a room where they are married. They spend the rest of the movie naked. Then you see the male side of things as you get to watch men in Nazi uniforms and other soldiers and armed men round up young men. Who are forced to line up and show the four leaders their bodies before nine are ‘selected.’ Elsewhere in another stately home girls are brought before the four men with four women in tow to examine the young women. For example, one is rejected due to a missing front tooth once again nine young women are ‘selected.’ They travel in a military convoy when crossing a bridge one man tries to escape and runs for cover. He doesn’t get far before being machine gunned down. The rest decide it best to stay on the trucks until they reach the mansion. Here they are brought out to stand before the balcony where the four leader men and four women (who turn out to be prostitutes) explain to the ‘chosen’ or ‘victims’ along with the guards (studs) surrounding them that they are the property of the four men and will be treated however they wish until they decide to dispense with them. There will be storied followed by orgies or whatever they desire. The four women will tell stories to promote ideas that they can use. The film is divided into four sections, and this concludes the first, named Anteinferno. Each of the sections from here are one of the women telling stories to inspire the men to decide on what happens next. The next one is called:

Here's the town of Salò

Girone delle Manie this translates to Circle of Manias which is probably appropriately as the first woman gets ready and goes to the large hall where the chosen are predominantly naked. She tells them of how she was abused as a child. They have breakfast with the daughters/wives serving the food when one of the guards’ trips one and begins to rape her in front of the diners. The president is excited by this and gets his own butt out and presents it to each table telling them that they should be turned on by this. He then goes over to the couple on the ground gets on his knees and demands that the guard does him instead of the daughter. Later after a poor attempt they bring a dummy out with a penis which they demand that one of the chosen to masturbate the dummy, but she does a poor job so is shown.

Here is a dummy to practice on

It’s in this scene they decide that two are to wed. The ceremony is equally weird with the duke groping everyone. Post wedding the couple are told to lay together which they start to get going with, but they are stopped by the four leaders who replaced each partner and finish off. Later in this section of the movie all the victims are forced to pretend to be dogs and be naked. When one refuses, he is whipped and then another girl is fed polenta with nails pushed into it. Yes, she bleeds.

Here is the scene where all have to be dogs.

Girone della Merda - This literal translates as the Circle of Shit and yes this is in your face, but I will get to that. The next woman arrives and tells stories of eating poop as a child and enjoying it. Yes – you know what is coming. One of the guards tells the bride from earlier of killing her mother whilst she was captured. She becomes upset and asks to be killed herself this gets the duke excited. Who based on the theme steps into the middle of the room, squats, and poops on the floor. He takes a spoon off the table and hands it the young woman. Eat it he screams and yep you watch her eat it. This gets them all excited.

I wonder what they are looking for in those pots

Now this leads to a poop ban, as you now have to poop on demand and is collected and fed to the group at dinner time. You get to watch this and see it in between teeth and those heaving have it dribbling down their chins. [I am seriously selling this movie, aren’t I?].

Oh din dins!! Here comes the aeroplane...

They then have a best buttocks competition, and the winner is presented with a prize of being promised death in the future.

Its a bum contest.

Girone del Sangue – If you haven’t guessed this is the conclusion and translated as Circle of Blood. Once again if you have bothered to read this much then you will know what is coming. This section begins with a wedding between guards and the leaders. With the president, duke et el dressed in drag, they expect their victims to laugh, and they don’t and become angry with them demanding they laugh. Concerned one of the women dances with another to get them to laugh. They complete the wedding and marry the guards/studs. After they consummate the marriages to the men, the Bishop goes to visit the victims in their rooms and find someone breaking rules. He tells of another girl breaking a rule and this goes on with each guilty one telling on the next until they finally meet one of the studs/guard sleeping with one of the servants and the leaders pull out guns. He stands naked and raises a single fist in the air and they pause before they eventually kill him. Then the duke shoots the servant in the head. Each one of the rule breakers are added to a book and lined up for punishment. Each one is given a blue ribbon and then sentenced to a painful death. [Now the movie turns violent] With each leader takes turn to be a voyeur looking through binoculars and watch the other three torture and kill the victims in horrendous [and I mean horrendous] ways. I have found some additional information so will try to give you a what happened to each way below, somehow.

If you are in this position you are in for some major trouble.

Here is one thing that could and did happen.

If that doesn't tell you how sick this movie is then I really do not know how else to warn you not to watch it.

THAT IS THE PLOT FINISHED HERE'S MY SUMMARY -

This is one of those movies when I had to keep reminding myself that this is a movie and what you are seeing on screen isn’t real. It is that gross and that disturbing. I can actually see the point of this movie with what the Nazi’s got up to and this holding up a mirror to it and saying is this right. Well, no it is not and clearly not but the four main villains who have corrupted and destroyed so many lives in doing what they felt just leave and goes on with the business. They do what they want and sod off, leaving the rest of the world to pick up the pieces.

This movie does inspire plenty of thoughts and not all of them great. If you do not know right from wrong before sitting in front of this movie, then this movie could blur that even more. Since this movie is as old as I am it has not aged as I. The advantage of this movie is it is set in a period of time which means it is old, but it is supposed to be old. The clothes match the time (well when they are actually worn – that is!). You spend this movie waiting for the goodness to come out and it doesn’t happen. Which if you see what the Nazi’s got up to when they though there wasn’t a consequence then that explains where this movie is coming from.

I get many of the messages and I can see how the movie got around so many of those issues with its message. It doesn’t sugar coat its message and lets you see what a free reign will do to corrupt the leaders that believe they have no consequences coming their way. You can translate to so many different things in this world right now and you can also see how the world reached the way it did for the second world war with the right and free people finally fighting the fight to restore freedom and equality to this world although slightly blurry again now. This movie rams home some uncomfortable messages home and allows you to make of it what you will. It is not a nice or easy watch, but it is one that makes you go jeeze this can’t get worse can it and then it does. Over and over again.

This movie doesn’t pull any punches it knows the rules of the time and it doesn’t break them. I believe it looked after the actors and although unpleasant you can see what is simulated. The final act of the four it’s extremely hard to watch many of the tortures mentioned above and the deaths are shown without cutting away often. The eyes, tongue and penis scenes are a bit too close up and you see things that you might not want to watch. Which follows the whole shit eating scenes. Yes, it is scene’s there is more than one turd in this movie. At one stage there are three people sat in tub full of shit waiting to be tortured again. It dribbles out the side of their mouths and gets stuck in their teeth. If you are easily grossed out then this is not the movie for you. If you are shocked by horror and I’ve reviewed some of the worse movies out there and this one is up there with the worst of them. You see the knife cut the tongue and slice out the eyeball, I won’t mention the candle flame on the penis or other flesh or the scalping. None of it is very nice and you start to feel that this movie goes. Oi have a look at this! Oh, you can cope with this? Let’s go up the scale a bit further, Still with us? Let’s add another notch until you get to the bodies stacking up and the men are off on their heels as the ‘studs’ or guards as I called them all film are left to clear up the mess. It might be more of a case they just left as well. There is no come-uppance for them there is no retribution no happy ending or resolve. The movie just finishes, and you are left to process what you have just witnessed.

I think that sums up the movie quite well, seriously give this one the swerve and I know as soon as I say give this one the miss because how gross it is will instantly mean that people will go and watch it, just to say they have seen as well. My watching all these movies is to say go watch it or not and this one I will leave up to you, but it is really unpleasant in descending order along with age of the film as well. The director appears to be very even with its nasty business he covers males and females with a similar brush as he takes the prisoners and treats them equally badly as the movie slowly moves down the disgusting scale. Similar to Martyrs I have to prepare to watch this one and not one for sitting down with popcorn or even a full stomach as it may well not be full by the end of it. My recommendation is to give it a miss, for the sick bins stake.

It's so Bad...Just don't Watch it!